Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Stuck on the Tube for 3 Hours!!!!!

How can a train get stuck underground for 3 Hours!!!!

Ok even in the case of it happening are you telling me another train cant be driven up to it and passengers transferred. I would have been going up the wall. A definite tourettes attack would have ensued (and I dont even have it). I am not litigious either but I would be looking for compensation. Actually, hitting the person responsible might be satisfying enough. What I cant understand is signals breaking down. Are they that old or that shit. What can go wrong? I would have thought that with technology these days the tube could be fully automated without any need for human beings to operate it. Anyway us poor mugs have to take it so there it is.

World Cup

Lets hope England can win the world cup. Cant we have some trains in the Englanbd football team livery. May not be politically correct to celebrate ones own football team in owns own country on the "Iconic" (ironic) tube. On the other hand I bet no one had the imagination to think of it.

Friday, May 26, 2006

When Sloane Square tube station was closed the other day they said it was flooding. I naturally assumed that it was one of the those wrong type of leaves sort of thing but no!!!.

Mind you the new district line service above is faster and you get a free ice cream. MInd the GAP (for fuck sake).

Big Brother

I have had to stop watching BB. Apart from my sparkling social life I find the whole thing a complete bore now that there is no one to pick on.. Bonner is looking more bemused so she is probably the next target. Thank god for the World Cup. That should move the morons off the front pages and the whole country can happily forget they exist.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Drivers Drivel

I wanted to reprise a previous pet subject of mine. Drivers comments and the quality (qwawi-E) of the English and most importantly the way they actually convey messages.

Now I do understand that driving a tube train must be a very low satisfaction task. I mean there is hardly any light at the end of a tunnel, the signals are shit and the passengers blame them (well I do anyway). However they do seem to get disproportionatly paid for the actual task of pulling a lever back. Lever puller backers (hardly driving is it?)announcements come in many forms. Ranging from the sarcastic (attempted) to the downright depresssing chav common voice to the most common...... nothing, no announcement as to why one is sitting at Earls court for 8 mins while other trains come and go or why one has been sitting in a tunnel for 5 mins. Please management can we get the guidelines as to their behaviour, obligations to announce delays and get them trained to sound human and not as if they about to commit suicide.

BB Update

So all the housemates hate shabhaz ..... not a suprise is it? What a hateful, weak, uninteresting excuse for a human being. He has now announced he is going to commit suicide on tv. Well good. I think they should set up a phoneline so that we can ring in suggestions. The winning entry then should get to join the bb house. At least they would have some imagination. What does Bonner think about? What sort of mirror has Glyn got to believe he has a great body? If he was a girl there would be concerns about anorexia. How long could you last in nickaaays company? I dont think I can watch anymore because its turning me into an aggressive shout at the television sort of guy. This may be all I have to say on the subject but watch this space.

Its interesting that the comments I get that are obviously from LU employees with their unwitty commnets are all anonymous. Just what one would expect. Perhaps they should have an LU BB but then again that would be on late, breakdown and expensive to watch.

Monday, May 22, 2006

I Dont Like Mondays

The person that made the phrase I dont like Mondays famous was Brenda Spencer who shot 11 people killing 2 in 1979.

Today I know how Brenda must have felt. I could have shot plenty today, mostly fellow pasengers. We were stuck at St James Park station on the train for 15 mins with one muttered announcement about signals. Why is it that half the tube system is shut on a sunday for maintenance then doesnt work properly on a Monday.

Anyway there we were sitting like stuffed dummies (most of them were) and I voiced my opinion about LU and announcements and the fact that it was an interminable delay. Passengers were looking at me like I was mad!!! The morons justs sat there staring at their hands. Why not rock the train , turn it over, set it alight!!! The alternative is accepting this consistently appaling service and therefore the public will get what they deserve. Fuck all in terms of improvement. Brenda will be due for release soon. Maybe I will offer her a holiday.

Big Brother

What a bunch of morons , miscreants and utter wankers comprise the marvellous big brother this year in fact no change there then. I think I would have slit Shahbaz's throat on the 1st night (or my own). I just hope Brenda buys the kit kat with the winning voucher to enter the big bro house. Then there's Bonner (bonnie) who cant say her own name and whose brain (if she has one) does'nt transmit any expressions to her face. She is like porridge the longer you leave her the thicker she gets. And then there is Thickie... I mean Nikki. "I want to marry and professional footballer and just have a credit card to shop and have lunch" what a stupid little cow. Drown her!!! thats what the pool in the garden is for.t

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Poisonous Passengers

Lets take a little while to examine the passenger types that annoy and amazes with their ignorance, stupidity and just plain selfishness.

The Rucksackers - insist on keeping their rucksack on and using it as an extension of their body to jostle other passengers. I find an effective remedy just to lean on it or pull down.

The Listeners - People who music is so loud that you can either hear a tinny jangle or an equally annoying base thud. I swear there was a girl the other day and the sound was so loud it was coming out of her gob.

Arm Rest Wrestlers - You know you only want a little bit of the armrest for your elbow so that you can read your paper in comfort. But the arm rest wrestlers want you to know that they have access to it so they spread their fat arm across the whole thing and nudge aside any attempt to share. I have put my arm on top of theirs before now and they dont half move quickly. Its the same with the Leg Spreaders who are usually guys that sit with their legs wide apart invading your space. I find touching legs with them get them to move quickly hahaha.

Door Blockers - This lot must have a morbid fear of missing their stop. They get on and stand just inside the doors refusing to cede. Usually fat.

There are manyh differnt types of tube traveller please feel free to send me your favourites. I am one of those annoying people that stand where the doors open and move quickly in order to get a seat whilst trampling on anyone in my way except old ladies who we all know are well hard when it comes to fighting for a seat.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Helpful Hints??

Isnt it interesting that Iget commnets in repsonse to my posting like the last 2 on the article I posted. If I wanted to renew online I would but I DONT. I want choice and I want it now and I am a customer so I am always right, right?. wrong! in the about face reverse engineered business of transporting Londons masses that is LU the customer is always wrong. More to the point who cares? It seems that with a strong grip that bob crow and his crownies (geddit) have on the staff there is no need for customer facing training, consideration, or indeed providing a pleasant user experience.

I think every underground station should have a punchbag hanging up in the shape and size of Bob Crow or Bobby Laws. We could then all give it a good kicking. Better still the Bobbies could do a tour of underground stations during the rush hour and get some feedback from CUSTOMERS. hahahaha can you imagine that?

Any you LU employees keep your comments coming. And the rest of you please feel free to join the fun.,

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Longest 4 miles ever ????

I went to southfield on Saturday for an hour. When I went to the station later to get the tube to west brompton the station was closed due to the inevitable signal failure. The whole line was closed between Wimbledon and Parsons Green because 1 signal had failed at Putney Bridge. Now correct me if I am wrong but in the old days a bloke with a flag and whistle could have replaced the signal for a while. So why not today?

Anyway I got the bus to Putney then overland to Clapham Junction. I waited 10 mins for the train but it was already delayed by FORTY MINUTES!!!!!. On arrival at Clapham Junction I went to enquire where and when the next train for the 1 stop to west brompton would be. I was told 40 minutes.... FORTY MINUTES!!!!!. The journey from southfields to west brompton (5 stops) took over 1 1/2 hours. Unbelievable, I could have flown to Paris.

I had a tourettes syndrome attack at clapham and did complain vociferously. However my complaints were met with total indifference. In fact I think I may have been invisible.

Keystone Cops running a big boys train set

Predictably this morning bought the usual frustrations at Earls Court. The Warwick road entrance had no ticket windows open and one machine (for the purposes of oyster renewal) working. There was a queue and a tourist was having trouble with the marvellously non intuitive machines. The 2 staff on duty were sort of help hindering. I called them keystone cops and asked why once again the machines were not working and no ticket windows were open. They aggresively told me that the machine that said closed was working and that I was complaing to the wrong people. I asked them to go and get the right person and I would repeat my complaint. Of course no such person exists.