Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Well Done to LU !!

I would like to say a big well done to London Underground for the smooth and excellent operation of the tube during the Olympics ad Paralympics. I even saw LU staff smiling and being friendly. Keep it up.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Olympic Armageddon

Well the Olympics are nearly on us and now that LU staff have extorted their extra pay we can expect world class service  ahem.....  With all those different nationalities working for LU we should have no language barriers except for the Queens English which most of them struggle with.

Its all a moot point anyway. How in gods name do TFL expect to transport to the Olympic venues in rush hours that are already crammed with NO exptra space?   Well they dont expect to. They expect us to chnage our arrangements (eg fuck off) for a couple of weeks.

Oh well we can get the bus.. NO  they are in the process of striking for their extortion money.

Welcome to the Games!!!  I would put some coloured rings in but probably get sue'd

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Another Happy New Year from LU

Well as is expected LU staff have threatened to strike on christmas evee and boxing day

Who cares let them strike. walk run cycle eat drink and be merry but do not give that lot a penny more

Thursday, October 06, 2011

50 Grand??????

50   yes fifty!!!!!! thousand pounds for being a lever puller, for thats what driving a tube train is all about oh yes and making insufficient announements, being sarcastic when you do, chatting to your mates at Earls Court while passengers just wait, not turning up after a public holiday

A disgrace. Roll on those automated trains. Bob Crow shouldnt be difficult to replace as there are loads of common fat mouthed uncouth scum like that all over the country

Monday, October 03, 2011

The wonderful weekends with LU

So "Planned" Engineering works bought london to a standstill again this weekend. Earls Court station once again excelled in its lack of caring about those who pay their wages. THE CUSTOMER. Most days last week were a shambles.

They cant even decide which train is leaving from which platform so one has the ridulous situation of people running from one train to another then back again and the one they got off last leaves 1st.

I bet the staff are having a massive giggle though. After all it impossible to get fired from LU and if by anychnace you do for drinking, nearly causing dreadful accidents or just not doing your job proberly then Cock Crow will whip up a series of strikes.

Why is it thatn when the service is so shit people stand around like stunned mullets saying nothing but looking at me ranting like I am mad (which I fucking well am by then)

If you stand for it you get the service you deserve

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

So we now BRIBE LU staff to work during the Olympics

I read in the newspapers than LU are going to pay a "bonus" to LU staff to ensure no strike action during the Olympics. So this just confirms what greedy, selfish militant bastards they really are. Well it certainly confirms that fat, thick common Bob Crow thinks of us all.

It cant be beyond the wit and technology of man to devise a fully automated tube service. Just think.

No strikes.
Fares could be lowered.
No having to deal with the uncaring , lazy greedy so called staff on LU
No more listening to loose jawed announcements from disinterested drivers
A service that works in a coordinated timely manner.

The time is coming and lets hope its sooner rather than later.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Merry Christmas

All in all not a bad year on the tube really. They coped well in the snow, service was good  (for me). Only a few rows with staff and passengers. Met some fab chicks on the TUBE. The main gripe which lets face it is always the same is.


Merry Christmas to everyone else and a happy new year

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Take your World Cup and Stick it up your crooked arse

Fifa must have the most crooks in any organisation outside the Cosa Notra. Bribery, Phanton offices rentals, ticket touting, front companies its all there. The amazing thing is is that all the countires in the football playing world and so called football associations are putting up with this crafty crooked bunch. But them with a thick bunch of twats that can only kick a ball and being paid exhorbitant money who is surprised. In any other profession there would be an outcry if the mentally handicapped were being robbed rigid´╗┐


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Simply Huge !!!

When I boarded my district line tube this morning at Earls Court I thought someone had left a hot air ballon on the train. However on closer inspection it was a human woman as I could see a head sticking out of a huge padded coat (she didnt need it) and an equally huge packback which must have been her packed lunch rather than gym kit. There she was hanging onto the central pole as the doors open. The whole entry section of the train was taken up by this monument. I did see that the other side of her there was quite a bit of room so I gently (at first) said excuse me and squeezed passed. She raised her head from her phone game and looked at me peckishly and I said can I get through there as there is plenty of space. I slotted home but then as she turned I was buffeted by her bag. I looked and realised that from her front her back including rucksack must have been 4ft. As the train filled up there she stood like the Colosuss of Rhodes but fatter. It occurred to me that if a bomb went off i would be safe behind her. Then a seat appeared and christ did she move..... Off came the backpack and she swallowed a couple of rivals before squeezing most of herself and her big coat into a seat. 2 stops later I looked over and she was gone..... perhaps it was all a dream.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Thanks for Striking its good for the health

Thanks to fat ugly common scumbag Bob Crow we are all enjoying the opportunity to get to work on pied a terre, bikes, jogging and swimming up the Thames. A perfect way to keep fit and gird ones loins and character in preparation for all the other sheep strikes led by greedy self important thick, immature, impotent, ugly, aggressive, fat, boring union leaders.

We shall overcome these greedy , petty useless fuckwits that can't actually run a service properly when their pea brains are'nt striking .

And as for the firemen i think everyone should visit them on their picket lines on November the 5th and set fire to the moonlighting , greedy, fuckwit, lazy scum

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Move up , Move up

Why is it that people get on the train and STOP!!! Dead in their tracks as if thats it "Im on, fuck everyone else" they can then proceed to open their new paper and take up the space of about 4 people. I have a very large diamond topped victorian hatpin that I am going to be sticking into people very hard this winter. The great thing is you can jab right into someones leg and pin it inside the jacket before they even know whats happened.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

More comments from the big brave Anonymous squirrel

My biggest fan took the trouble to leave another charming little message on here in the comments section once again writing under the cowards cloak of anonimity.

He writes in response to my last posting;

"Wrong again shithead! Maybe I'm one of those people you have insulted who is not an LUL employee? There's plenty of us, after all! Anyway, not very nice to see you back, arsehole!"

Seems to have a problem this poor creature I cant have insulted him/her personally I dont think except if its Bob Crow who i dont think cares as he is too thick (skinned).

seems that this little nonentity is getting his/her knickers in a twist about my witty and humourous musings on LU, staff, passengers et al. Oh well you will be relieved to learn that I have started to cycle now and those cyclists really get on my tits.

There they are in their dayglo jackets and padded pants that look like full up nappies. Some stop at traffic lights and others (like me) sensibly look both ways before continuing. After all whats the point in having a bike and then behaving like a car.

I will be bringing the best of my miserable musings to bear on cyclists now as well as the population of the tube.

I got on the tube yesterday and when the doors opened a woman shrieked

"Im not moving! Im Pregnant! "

I said to her. "well then I suggested you travel at a time more condusive to your condition wrapped in cotton wool" then muttered into my newspaper "or preferably clingfilm"

she was gutted (not literally)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

thanks for the comments and requests

Well it has been sometime since I wrote an entry in this blog. However i do get the occaisional comment of support and of course insults.

I had one brave soul anonymously calling me a loser and hoping that I would not be posting again. I from the bad grammer and aggresive tone and i am certain it was one of the wonderful LU employees.

I also recieve a spam comment every week in Chinese. Whats the point nobody reads or understands that gobbledegook shit.

Anyway the last couple of months on the tube have been wonderrful ?????. Yes during the summer holidays the trains are much less crowded and one doesnt have to push and shove (so much). Also the girls wear less and are a pleasure to behold.

I am off on holiday but will be back in September to THUMP.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010


Driverspeak is something worth familiarising yourself with as you may end up all over the place if you are not able to translate.

Platfawm - Platform
free - Three
gaps in the service - running late
move down inside the carriages - stay where you are blocking the doors.

ows cawt - Earls Court

waiting for a platform to become free - waiting for the lazy drivers to stop talking to each other at the next stop.

Planned Engineering works - crisis management

signal failure - crap service

passenger action - suicide jumper

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Passenger Scum

I am really getting pissed off with the selfish bastards that use the tube.

Every day I have to ask people to move in when they are blocking the doors making the train look full when there is lots of room inside. They look at you like you have just asked to borrow their wife. I usually either shove them in or squeeze past them and show them how much room there really is. I have been known to say "see there's room for a bloody juggler in here" but then everyone of course looks at you in that embarrassed way like you are a nutter.

Then there are the rucksacks and bags that people insist on wearing on the tube rather than placing it between their feet. They shove you about with no regard. I am trying to come up with something to combat it like pinching a girls arse when her handbag shoves me and saying "oh sorry I thought you were touching me up so I thought I would have a go" or a little razor to slit open the bottom of blokes rucksacks so that everything inside falls out.

As ever though its the music coming from peoples earphones that pisses me off most but far short of giving them evil looks or pretending to talk to them by just moving your lips there is not much that can be done.

I am thinking of getting some little stickers made though so that I can slip them onto peoples backs or bags. Something subtle like "I'm a Twat"
Designs or suggestions welcome

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Happy New Year

Happy New Year.

LU were right on time with the fare increases although I cant complain as I think my weekly Oyster has only gone up by about 20p a week. Mind you the trains have been crap all week with a service akin to a Sunday.

Got off to a good start on passengerwatch today. I was at Westminster waiting to get onto the Jubille line and when the doors opened I stood aside to let those disembarking get off. Imagine by surprise when an ugly bearded monster in a puffa jacket with a rucksack (natch) came pushing off and barged past me. He looked back to see my reaction so I shouted "are you ok fatty" He went from thinking he was clever to facing the facts. Fat, Ugly, Hirsute and Rude. I got on the train where of course everyone was looking at me but I couldnt stop chuckling to myself. What Fun!!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Excuse me are your arms fat or are you just ignorant

Now we all know that armrest etiquette is a rather delicate but perfectly managable excercise on the Tube

1. Share the armrest equally from back to front with enough room just to rest part of your arm whilst reading your paper.

2. One person gets the front half and the other tucks in behind for the back half.

Thats the polite way in a nutshell.

Then there are the combative approaches employed by the large, ignorant or sometimes the short and agressive types (like me but I dont do it. Honest Guv.)

1. They plant their arm firmly on the whole rest and ignore any gentle attempt to share. I find the best way to combat this is wait for them to turn their page if they are reading the paper and then take the lot. They then do the same and it can go on for the whole journey. What Fun!!

2. A mini low pressure nudging contest which is a bit like arm wresting but definitely not acknowledged just a silent stoic battle.

3. Sometimes you can't win. The other person is so large you just thank god there is an armrest at all otherwise the lower half of their bulk would also be encroaching. I usually sit down, wriggle, sigh, then stand up. Does'nt get you anywhere but they get the message. Bloody hell I am horrid!

Its about now that not only do the trains thin out a bit passenger wise but people do talk to each other a bit as its Christmas and that. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

TFL leave Evening Standard distributors in the cold

Recently during the dreadful weather we have been having I have noticed that the people that give out the Evening Standard are out in the cold, wind and rain close to LU and DLR Stations. I have asked a couple why they cant be positioned in the station and they told me that when the Standard was a paid for paper the company had to pay for its pitches in the stations. Now that its free they dont pay and TFL and turfed them out onto the streets.

The Evening Standard is one of the best newspapers in the country and is an occaisional critic of TFL, LU etc. However I think in the spirit of the London community that they could make it more comfortable for the Standard to give the paper away.

The Metro is in every station virtually and chucked around like wastepaper and lets face it it is rubbish as well as rubbish. However they have a toady TFL page and never criticise. Parochialism is alive and well at TFL.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Rude Passengers Own Up

According to story in last night's Evening Standard Tube travellers have admitted that the frustration of overcrowding causes them to behave in ways they would not otherwide in order to secure a seat or enough space to stand.

I can vouch for this although I myself go out of my way to move down the carriage or show willingness to squeeze up and let others on. There are a large percentage of people both men and women that get on and stop as soon as they get throught the doors, blocking entrance to others. They also continue to just stand there like immovable objects when the doors open at subsequent stop. I have developed a tactic of asking them to move down, then when ignored just firmly scrumming down and shoving them up.

The other day the was a lady (well sort of) standing in the doorway. I asked her to move up and she said "there's no room!" I squeezed past her and stood in an expanse of space that could have accomodated 3 people and said "there seems to be plenty here. If you had moved up more poeple could have got on" to which she replied "I have no intention of moving anywhere" I said "no that would be far too polite" she muttered something about me being short. I didnt say she was ugly and with her unkempt hair and faint smell of decay she should be careful not to throw stones but was tempted.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Bob Crow Thick O

Was'nt Bob Crow a hoot on Have I Got News For You?

Didnt laugh
Didnt say anything remotely funny.
Wore a short sleeved short like some chav hardnut in the biting cold winter.

The worst guest since the tub of lard that had to replace Roy Hattersly. Well worse at least the lard made people laugh.

I hope all you proud members of the RMT had your brain cell breifly stimulated.

Unite members have done the decent thing - sort of

I note that Unite members have voted to take industrial action short of striking in their dispute with LU. Well 200 have. Apparently 500 LU workers are members of Unite. Strange that only 200 bothered to vote but then I suppose its like pissing in the wind when we have the 10,000 represented by the RMT yet to vote.

Its all about pay of course. Most people in this country would be lucky to get any sort of pay rise this year and many lucky to have a job at all. I do hope the RMT members do not vote to strike as it will ruin many peoples Christmas (and Winterval for many others).

Bob Crow is on Have I Got News For You Tonight - he has done well for himself hasnt he? I expect he will be on Strictly or I'm a Celebrity next year so he wont be worrying too much about pay rises.

How much does a lever puller backer (driver) get paid these days anyway? And as for the rest now that there are Oyster cards, automatic ticket machines etc. What do they do?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Censored by the left wing geeks

In my last post I re-printed some rather amusing comments i got from users of the Rail UK forum. Most of them were disparaging about me and this blog but in the spirit of freedom of speech and fair play I printed them. For some reason that seemed to make them more angry and we had a lively debated during which I teased them with irony but they didnt get it. Here is a selection of the rest of the comments I got. I had over 600 views of my thread on that sight and over 50 replies before the "LOCKED" the thread e.g. censored it. I think its a commnet on the people on the rail scene their politics and small mindedness. Did we expect anything different?

quote "Classic.... lack of grammer, atrocious spelling, not even proud enough to UK the uk..... oh and he called us all train spotters!"

quote "At the risk of argueing with an idiot (something where both parties always lose):
It is racist. You've decided they were forign based purely on how they dress. Also, many many "moderate" Muslims dress like that, and abhor the ideas of jihadis. So yeah, just plain racist.

As to the woman who was banned from wearing a corss- she was banned from wearing jewllery. There's actually good safety grounds to ban frontline staff from wearing necklaces. Further more, whilst the arabic dress is to a certain extent mandated by their holy book, there's nothing in the bible with regards wearing crosses"

quote "All I can see from your blog is you try talk to people on the tube and they don't talk back. What do you expect? The majority of British people WON'T want a conversation with some (potentially harmful) stranger on public transport. They'd rather read a book, listen to music, sit and think or have a conversation with somebody they know. Small-talk is boring and a waste of time, so why bother?"

i then replied;

i am glad to see you have been paying attention and reading the blog.

dont you think i am being just a little bit tongue in cheek sometimes. In anycase i am smartly dressed devastatingly good looking , charming and absolutely not dangerous. You can always spot me at earls court going out of my way to help passengers with luggage if they are struggling while the staff skulk

then i got this back -- hahahaha

quote "The fact you have to post this on a public forums shows that you're either desperate for attention and recognition of doing something (like someone who gives to charity and has to shout about it so everyone knows what they've done), or you're lying and just want people to think you do good.

Also, calling yourself "devestatingly (sic) good looking", especially on a public forum, implies that you're almost certainly uncomfortable about the way you look."

Such fun while it lasted. It seems those that work above ground are more bitter and twisted than those that work underground. Anyway its nice to make so many new friends and I didnt bother to quote them by their geeky nicknames but the know who they are.

Banned and abused - excellent!

So in my attempt to learn more and bring cutting edge stories from the world of LU I joined a couple of forums.

District Dave's London Underground Site

I posted this blog name etc and gave a description of it. I had a lot of views then District Dave Banned me. Best not to let your members have any freedom of thought then?

UK Rail Forums

Did the same and have not been banned but had the following comments

Racist - Because I mentioned that I found it strange that Muslim fundamentalists (longs beards and short trousers) were manning security at Heathrow. Does this srtike anyone else as like a fox in the chicken coop?

quote "Some good posts, but equally some rubbish ones. I'm a bit perplexed.. It says at one point you're 7 1/2, then further down the page you have a wife?" --- hahaha


"Not funny, not infuriating, just sad!
For what it's worth, I read the first couple of posts and found them childish. Jokes about members/knobs generally indicate the mentality of a 9 year old. I also found them rather strangely obsessed with hair (or the lack of it), and thought they displayed an arrogance and sense of superioirty that I found a bit distasteful.
A bit of a waste of 3 minutes really, I'm afraid I won't be visiting the blog again!"

Finally, I found a post from a train spotter with links to webcams for spotting trains. Of the 6 uk ones not a train in sight. On the dutch one and the german one trains aplenty. enuf said.

Help! I think i am turning into a geek (as well as a childish dickhead)

Friday, November 20, 2009

So here it is Merry Christmas from the RMT

Here we go again.

As predicted (i know a thing or 2 eh?) the RMT are going to ballot their "members" (fancy asking your knob) about strike action. Hahaha what do you think they will choose? Ferrying us customers around or taking an extra long Christmas holiday so that they can scoff even more qwawie streets, and mince pies. I think we can guess what Bob Crow would prefer. Not that he ever sullies himself with actually working on the TUBE. Oh no he is too busy being paid by the "members" (knobs) to be chaffeur driven around eating and drinking on his expense account at our expense.

Its enough to make you want to jump under a train (a one under as they are known) but the fucking thing is delayed due to signal failure

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Yuk - The Swine!

Isnt it fun now that the Swine Flu is back ably supported by the Noro Virus (thats the one where you explode from both ends). There was a girl on the tube today, headphones on, sniffling and snuffling from her red nose, reading the paper, well i say reading it but she wasn't, she was looking at the pics as she ripped through it. She needed to turn the pages so quickly so she was LICKING HER FINGERS for sticky friction to turn the pages eeeewww. I looked at her with disgust and she saw me looking. I think she got the wrong idea, as instead of stopping the disgusting schnuffling and licking she got her mirror and make-up out.

Later as I was walking up a platform I did let out a sneeze. I covered my mouth and tried to lessen the blast but out it came in a loud YAHOOOOO. A woman with lank , unbrushed grey hair looked at me like I was the monster from the black lagoon so I walked up and asked her if sneezing was illegal. She almost ran off in terror.

Finally I saw a superb sight. A bloke that was bald until the mid point of his head whereby he had an almost quiff like bush of hair on the back 3rd. Like a Jedward but with a beach of pink shiny flesh leading up to the hair bit. I sneaked a pic but cant really post it as that would be too cruel even for me.

Friday, November 13, 2009

I have returned for 2 special fans

I hope this ressurection is able to pick on the the growing readership I had when I last wrote. I recieved some contact and then looked again at the blog as I had'nt visited for 6 months. I found some funny and encouraging comments and of course best of all, the the rude ones from the Anti's and LU staff. My daughters 21 and 16 then latched on and read it. And they were pissing themselves laughing, partly from the stories but mainly because they know me and how I view life and the tube as a microcosm of England, the world and human behaviour.

So whats new on the Tube? Well its better I think but then thank god I use Earls Court so a lot of choices. However I do think its surreal that in one direction the Olympia train is coming and going and when there is no expo on it has about 5 people on it for 1 stop. Then the other way they have tons of trains from Earls Court to High St Ken. 1Stop!

The other bizzare occurence is when a train is running late to say upminster they withdraw it from service at Mansion House. I have a theory that happens so that I cant arrive at its final destination late and therefore does not affect the punctuality statistics. Sod the poor bastards who are turfed off and then even later to where they are going.

As usual the worst of the bunch are us, the passengers. Inconsidrate, shifty, suspicious and exisiting with the proximty purgatory they find themselves in when confronted each other.

Still just like Christmas and death 2 things are certain within the next few weeks. Tube strikes and the the ultimate punctuality success in the LU annual calender, the price hikes. That will be on time all right and not taken out of service running late.

I would like to encourage more participation and ideas from readers so any stories, tubey type stereotype contribution (especially if they are drawn or photographed) are welcome and i will post them here.

Friday, March 28, 2008

BAA make LU look like top notch.

BAA and the terminal 5 fiasco is the global public face of how not to run airports. However the regular or casual travelling through Large UK airports experience the true humiliating, inefficient and rude service BAA has to offer. The security is so tight that one is almost better off arriving naked. However I am not convinced it is actually secure. I have on several occasional unwittingly left things with metal on like belts and watches. Left liquids and creams in hand luggage, again unwittingly but never been challenged.

Last week at 5am at terminal 3 we arrived to get on the end of one of those huge zig zag tape lines moving painfully slowly. Marshalling the line were 2 Muslim chaps with those mullah type beards and the old trouser length
h rather short. Now in my experience of Islam (which is considerable) this look denotes a more fundamentalist type. I am sure they had been vetted and are jolly capital chaps but it seems a tad insensitive considering all the non muslims are having to queue like this in the main because of certain factions of that faith capable of devastating acts of terror using aeroplanes

I am seriously avoiding flying as much as possible in future as the whole shebang has become very unpleasant indeed.

Security considerations, health and safety and overt political correctness have turned this country into an over regulated gutbucket with services and behaviour in rapid decline despite all the rules and taxes.

Monday, March 10, 2008

You talkin to me ???

We all know it but its always worth a mention when you get the typical cliched experience of DONT TALK TO ME on the tube.

In the past couple of weeks I have been deliberately talking to people to see what reaction one gets. Now let me just say, I am long haired but usually smartly dressed in a suit or jeans and jacket so its not as though I come over like a nutter.

The other morning the trains at Earls Court were all over the place and the district line was delayed (again). I said the the city type chap on the platform next to me something like. "What a load of rubbish this is again" He looked a fleetingly at me and then swiftly away when he realised i was talking to him and completely ignored me!! He was English all right too. In fact its only the English that are that anally rude. Then there was a guy standing in the train next to where I was sitting and the unmistakable ring tone of a blackberry sounded. He, I and another passenger fumbled for our phones and it was the other passengers ringing. I said to the guy standing next to me. "The old blackberry ring tone trick". He looked terrified, horrified and confused. I thought he was going to vomit on me but he chose to ignore me and read his metro. The chick opposite smiled at this and I smiled back. Of course that only encouraged me to look at her again (as she was quite attractive) and then she knew I must be a perv nutter.

Finally I was at West Brompton station and when the train pulled in the old favourite was in operation. The doors opened and there I was confronted with a tall wide blokes back taking up all the doorway. I could see lots of room in the aisle so I said excuse me. He didn't move ONE cm so I lightly tapped him on the shoulder and again said excuse me. Nothing. I then barged him harder then necessary and moved into the aisle. When I looked back to see if he was going to hit me I could see that he was wearing an IPOD and munching on a croissant or something. He didn't even look at me. I suppose that would had challenged his multitasking skills to the limit what with listening, eating and breathing.

Try talking to strangers on the tube and let me know the reactions you get.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Why is it in one of the most populous, multiculturally diverse (dont you just hate that phrase) cities in the world that has a huge tourust industry do we still have a Sunday service (a euphemism for shit). When we go out on a Sunday the tubes are usually packed with shoppers, tourists and sunday lunchers. Its time to go global LU 24/7 no..... not the day they tried to blow us up, but 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Any danger that one day your "service" will actually be in line with what the public want.


I see tales that strike action ballots will start soon. Amazing the way it coincides with Vernal Equinox so that those strike days are balmy, long and full of the joys of spring. Oh well have a good time while us poor bastards walk, die trying to go on buses or just lose money.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Dont block the doors

Why is that when a train pulls up to a station in the rush hour those standing just inside the doors subconciously give the impression that the train is full? Lets face it we have all done it (well not me as I am a moaning but hopefully considerate tube traveller).

So a few days ago a train pulled up at Earls court and as the doors opened I thought oh christ its heaving. Well it wasnt it was just that the doors were obstructed by 2 Very fat women just talking and not even acknowledging the fact that I was going to get on...... and I was. There was room behind them (well not much) so I said could you move insdie the train please. They just looked at me like I was a snack they werent quite ready to eat and carried on talking (about what they had for breakfast I expect) So I just scrummed down and firmly but gently inched them back whilst I squeezed on. I then noticed that in fact there was loads of room on the train and even a seat!!!! I said excuse me can I get past you as there is loads of room but you are making the train look full (I meant standing in the doorway rather than because of their bulk). They now looked at me as if they were bulimics that had regurgitated me and as the intake of breath they took being so shocked at the merest suggestion they might be large (they werent they were HUGE) I managed to deftly slip by. I felt like the rainbow warrior between two oil tankers. I picked up speed and just managed to get my firm but perfectly formed ass into the seat before some city ponce, who looked at me like I was rat shit. I didnt react but he kept staring so I casually opened my wallet and pretend to look at something making sure my Coutts card was in view. He looked gutted and then when I looked him in the eye he looked away like a shy girl. I read my metro whilst he pretended to be interested in the financial times. luvli

Monday, January 21, 2008

Earls Court - Shameful Eyesore

Earls Court really is an eyesore now. All that scaffollding and blue metal panelling. Its been like it for well over a year. As one of the major changeover points and directly on the line from Heathrow I find it appaling that we are prepared to let current users and new arrivals to the country suffer this. The station deserves a good renovation to its former glories and some states of the art platform technology.... oh and the odd train or 2 would be good. Seriously the services through Earls court are some of the best on the line.

Come on get with the program!!

Monday, January 07, 2008

ipod ignorantes

Oh look! I got an ipod for Christmas (I did actually)

There they are with their buds pushed into their ears nicely advertising the fact for muggers, smug but moronically blank looks on their faces (is that an oxymoron? I dont think so because its apt.) The problem now is that unless you do take your perosnal music system onto the tube (which I dont) then you are subsject to the tinny sound or their music which is so irritating. Sometimes it is so loud that the sound is coming out of the listeners mouth. Any attempt to communicate ones irritation (via looks of contempt, bewilderment, exasperation or pleading let alone verbally communicating) are usually ignored or in some cases met with foul abuse. I am not the only person to find this annoying I know but so far LU have not put any signs up to indicate that its rude in the extreme to subject others to that sound.

Worse still are the pathetic bullies that play music on their telephones external speakers (usually crap rap, why to they call it R&B its nothing of the sort unless it stands for Rubbish and Bollocks). LU needs to install cattle prods or tasers for these people.

"Break glass in case of wankers"

If you agree with me on this just drop LU a line and ask them to at least put signs in trains so that we can at least superciliously point to them when someone is being unecessarily annoying.

Here is the complaints link



When service is bad and you have more than a 15 minute delay you are entitled to a refund. Here is the link for that.