BAA make LU look like top notch.

BAA and the terminal 5 fiasco is the global public face of how not to run airports. However the regular or casual travelling through Large UK airports experience the true humiliating, inefficient and rude service BAA has to offer. The security is so tight that one is almost better off arriving naked. However I am not convinced it is actually secure. I have on several occasional unwittingly left things with metal on like belts and watches. Left liquids and creams in hand luggage, again unwittingly but never been challenged.

Last week at 5am at terminal 3 we arrived to get on the end of one of those huge zig zag tape lines moving painfully slowly. Marshalling the line were 2 Muslim chaps with those mullah type beards and the old trouser length
h rather short. Now in my experience of Islam (which is considerable) this look denotes a more fundamentalist type. I am sure they had been vetted and are jolly capital chaps but it seems a tad insensitive considering all the non muslims are having to queue like this in the main because of certain factions of that faith capable of devastating acts of terror using aeroplanes

I am seriously avoiding flying as much as possible in future as the whole shebang has become very unpleasant indeed.

Security considerations, health and safety and overt political correctness have turned this country into an over regulated gutbucket with services and behaviour in rapid decline despite all the rules and taxes.

You talkin to me ???

We all know it but its always worth a mention when you get the typical cliched experience of DONT TALK TO ME on the tube.

In the past couple of weeks I have been deliberately talking to people to see what reaction one gets. Now let me just say, I am long haired but usually smartly dressed in a suit or jeans and jacket so its not as though I come over like a nutter.

The other morning the trains at Earls Court were all over the place and the district line was delayed (again). I said the the city type chap on the platform next to me something like. "What a load of rubbish this is again" He looked a fleetingly at me and then swiftly away when he realised i was talking to him and completely ignored me!! He was English all right too. In fact its only the English that are that anally rude. Then there was a guy standing in the train next to where I was sitting and the unmistakable ring tone of a blackberry sounded. He, I and another passenger fumbled for our phones and it was the other passengers ringing. I said to the guy standing next to me. "The old blackberry ring tone trick". He looked terrified, horrified and confused. I thought he was going to vomit on me but he chose to ignore me and read his metro. The chick opposite smiled at this and I smiled back. Of course that only encouraged me to look at her again (as she was quite attractive) and then she knew I must be a perv nutter.

Finally I was at West Brompton station and when the train pulled in the old favourite was in operation. The doors opened and there I was confronted with a tall wide blokes back taking up all the doorway. I could see lots of room in the aisle so I said excuse me. He didn't move ONE cm so I lightly tapped him on the shoulder and again said excuse me. Nothing. I then barged him harder then necessary and moved into the aisle. When I looked back to see if he was going to hit me I could see that he was wearing an IPOD and munching on a croissant or something. He didn't even look at me. I suppose that would had challenged his multitasking skills to the limit what with listening, eating and breathing.

Try talking to strangers on the tube and let me know the reactions you get.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Why is it in one of the most populous, multiculturally diverse (dont you just hate that phrase) cities in the world that has a huge tourust industry do we still have a Sunday service (a euphemism for shit). When we go out on a Sunday the tubes are usually packed with shoppers, tourists and sunday lunchers. Its time to go global LU 24/7 no..... not the day they tried to blow us up, but 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Any danger that one day your "service" will actually be in line with what the public want.

STRIKE ACTION

I see tales that strike action ballots will start soon. Amazing the way it coincides with Vernal Equinox so that those strike days are balmy, long and full of the joys of spring. Oh well have a good time while us poor bastards walk, die trying to go on buses or just lose money.

Dont block the doors

Why is that when a train pulls up to a station in the rush hour those standing just inside the doors subconciously give the impression that the train is full? Lets face it we have all done it (well not me as I am a moaning but hopefully considerate tube traveller).

So a few days ago a train pulled up at Earls court and as the doors opened I thought oh christ its heaving. Well it wasnt it was just that the doors were obstructed by 2 Very fat women just talking and not even acknowledging the fact that I was going to get on...... and I was. There was room behind them (well not much) so I said could you move insdie the train please. They just looked at me like I was a snack they werent quite ready to eat and carried on talking (about what they had for breakfast I expect) So I just scrummed down and firmly but gently inched them back whilst I squeezed on. I then noticed that in fact there was loads of room on the train and even a seat!!!! I said excuse me can I get past you as there is loads of room but you are making the train look full (I meant standing in the doorway rather than because of their bulk). They now looked at me as if they were bulimics that had regurgitated me and as the intake of breath they took being so shocked at the merest suggestion they might be large (they werent they were HUGE) I managed to deftly slip by. I felt like the rainbow warrior between two oil tankers. I picked up speed and just managed to get my firm but perfectly formed ass into the seat before some city ponce, who looked at me like I was rat shit. I didnt react but he kept staring so I casually opened my wallet and pretend to look at something making sure my Coutts card was in view. He looked gutted and then when I looked him in the eye he looked away like a shy girl. I read my metro whilst he pretended to be interested in the financial times. luvli

Earls Court - Shameful Eyesore

Earls Court really is an eyesore now. All that scaffollding and blue metal panelling. Its been like it for well over a year. As one of the major changeover points and directly on the line from Heathrow I find it appaling that we are prepared to let current users and new arrivals to the country suffer this. The station deserves a good renovation to its former glories and some states of the art platform technology.... oh and the odd train or 2 would be good. Seriously the services through Earls court are some of the best on the line.

Come on get with the program!!

ipod ignorantes

Oh look! I got an ipod for Christmas (I did actually)

There they are with their buds pushed into their ears nicely advertising the fact for muggers, smug but moronically blank looks on their faces (is that an oxymoron? I dont think so because its apt.) The problem now is that unless you do take your perosnal music system onto the tube (which I dont) then you are subsject to the tinny sound or their music which is so irritating. Sometimes it is so loud that the sound is coming out of the listeners mouth. Any attempt to communicate ones irritation (via looks of contempt, bewilderment, exasperation or pleading let alone verbally communicating) are usually ignored or in some cases met with foul abuse. I am not the only person to find this annoying I know but so far LU have not put any signs up to indicate that its rude in the extreme to subject others to that sound.

Worse still are the pathetic bullies that play music on their telephones external speakers (usually crap rap, why to they call it R&B its nothing of the sort unless it stands for Rubbish and Bollocks). LU needs to install cattle prods or tasers for these people.

"Break glass in case of wankers"

If you agree with me on this just drop LU a line and ask them to at least put signs in trains so that we can at least superciliously point to them when someone is being unecessarily annoying.

Here is the complaints link

https://www.tfl.gov.uk/tfl/contact/tube/default.asp

Refunds

When service is bad and you have more than a 15 minute delay you are entitled to a refund. Here is the link for that.

https://www.tfl.gov.uk/tfl/tickets/refunds/tuberefund/default.asp

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to everyone (and I mean everyone).

No sooner do I say what I said in my previous posts than ads start appearing in newspapers from senior Muslims with a message of support , peace and understanding. I stand corrected in my views and welcome such an initiative. Good luck and lets hope that from all sides we can live in peace, harmony and mutual respect.

Well once again London Underground were bang on time again today. WHAT!!!!

yes they are always guaranteed to be on time once a year. With the fare increases !!!!!

Its not much this year and I am a big fan of the oyster card but its so depressing that in real terms wages are going down the economy is going to go through some tough times and still the increases in taxes, fares and all things monopoly related continue to rise.

As I have only just started writing this blog again I am not sure how many people are reading it so any feedback would be appreciated

whats in a name

I lived in the middle east for 12 years and have many muslime friends and aquaintances. I know for fact that the naming of mascots, people etc with the name mohammed is not anti islamic. Lets face it half the muslim men in the world are named mohammed so do they think they are prophets? or would this be considered blasphemous?

I am dissappointed that thus far we are yet to see the leaders of the worlds leading islamic countries condemn the actions of Sudan. This leads to more islamaphobia and I for one and becoming less sympathetic. In fact I am now totally against bedning over backwards to accomodate these people and their sensitivities when they have no sense a brotherhood with us or loyalty to our country.

Fuck em

Rucksack Rage

Is it only me (again) or is anyone else fed up with people using their rucksacks as a battering ram. You know what I mean i suppose? They insist of wearing their rucksacks on a packed tube and whereas they would consider any form of body contact an intrusion they dont mind shoving you with the rucksack. Why cant they put them on the floor between their legs? This would also leave space for additional passengers.

I am going to start lighting the fucking things, then when they begin to smoulder a bit it should bring armed officers on board to dispatch them with a few rounds to the head.

On a similar note I wonder why there was a naive debate about wether the armed officers that shot poor old mr de menenzes actually shouted "Armed Police!!" Of course they bloody didnt as that would have given a suicide bomber plenty of time to push the button and blow himself and everyone else to smithereens (what is a smithereen?).

So the new proposed air conditioning system for the tube is a non starter and unworkable... no real suprise there then. Time to get some punkawallahs on board.

I went to Olympia the other evening with my wife to the Erotica show and very good it was too. The tube ride afterwards was brilliant with all the weird and wonderful outfits. I did see a few items I would like to insert into some LU personel (sideways)

Im Back !!!

Well its been a long time since I contributed anything to this blog. Does that mean I have had stress free tube travel??? Well I have to say since I moved to the Earls Court area and away from the dreadful Wimbledon spur of the district line things have improved immensely. Earls court always has trains even though they sometimes sit on the platform FULL of people for 5 or more minutes while the signals change !!! Its a good time for the drivers to catch up on gossip and the latest news. They seem to be having a jolly jape while we wait to be trundled (yes trundled) to work. Is it me or is the underground the slowest form of transport in the world. I think earls court to tower hill is about 7 miles and it takes 36 mins. Now even allowing for loading and unloading that is bloody SLOW isnt it. 6.3 minutes per mile 13 stops 3.5 mins per stop yet each stop is an average of 1 km apart. Somethings wrong

The other mystery at the moment is how long it is going to take to finsh the renovations at earls court. Its been over 2 years now and we are still impeded by scaffolding. What an eyesore. And when are you going to renovate the outside of the station on the Warwick road side. Magnificent 30s architecture dulled by neglect of philistines

Finally, I saw Bob "the nob" Crow on tv yesterday. What a marvellous hero of the workers!!!! My polish plumber speaks better english and has more brain cells in his toe than that crafty fucker. He has managed to keep himself above ground on a fat paycheck and company perks for years all paid for by the public that he so regularly incoveniences. You see even in the commie red RMT some brothers are more equal than others eh?? wink wink nudge nudge say no more.

Wemberlee - what a joke

So I went to the new wembley stadium to see England vs Germany. The jubilee line was going slower than anything I have ever travelled on in fact it was almost going backwards. The driver made an announcement to the effect that sorry the trains are slow but there is a football match on!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 What!!!!1 that is an excuse. As if the presence of 90k people was a complete surprise. On the way home we had to run to the station 5 mins before the end of the game. The trains were running every 10 mins. What a fucking farce!!1 And we think we can run the Olympics. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

I will never go to Wembley again.

Weekend Works - What the F**** happened today then

So the circle line was closed as was most of the district line for work to be carried out. What work was that then? Reverse engineering obviously as the lines were affected by delays and signal failures today. What a joke!!! No one seems to really give a monkeys or be embarrassed about the fact that our tube is probably the worst in the world. Yes I know its old but if we keep using that excuse then we may as well accept that its shit, which I dont!! Its expensive and I expect a good service.

Thanks to the correspondent that commented on my last piece. Its goes to highlight what is wrong with the ethics and attitudes on the tube. The service at the station was shit, simple as that! and the fat guard WAS actually happily drinking coffee while people were being delayed by machine breakdowns and the newpapaer man WAS leaning at a 45 degree angle. I couldnt be bothered to make it up but i can be bothered to complain and I will not be stopping because some unionised wanker that cant accepted criticism (contructive or otherwise). By the way are you fat?

Feedback is welcome. Signals again!!!!!!!

THESE SIGNALS WORK FINE. FUNNY YOU DONT SEE THIS WHEN THEY BREAK DOWN DO YOU ??? IT WOULD KEEP THE SERVICE RUNNING

Tony sent me this feedback

"The London Underground wasn't built yesterday, just so you know.I'd like to see you try and keep the signals (a lot of which are probably older than you are) running. It's not just a changing a light bulb - points, train stops and all the other bits and pieces that come together to make 'The Signals' need to be safe before we let you lot loose on it. But enough about that.There is still morale on the combine, it's just not as visible as it used to be. It's a mixture of staff being annoyed with the attitudes of customers having changed (believe it or not, you lot actually used to be polite at some stage), as well as the attitudes of those higher up the chain. Many of the older, more senior workers still have their sense of duty, but I guess you'd rather concentrate on all the negative aspects.Who was there for the masses when the bombs first went off in London? The staff were. "

Thanks for that Tony and I agree with most of what you say. Especially the signals being older than me (im only 7 1/2). I also agree that some of the older staff do seem to be caring and have some pride and sense of duty. However it indicates that training a discipline these days are not what they were as I experience rudeness, ignorance and a not my fault attitude on many occasions. I realise that the staff are not personally to blame but when the inconvenience caused by whatever it may be is so severe then the staff are bound to feel the ire of paying customers as they are the front line. I think it would be a good idea to have a hotline to TFL senior management and that of the operator/owners but the queue for it would be down every steet in London. What we object to is declining service and customer facing staff and paying more for less than any other similar system in the world.

The main reason it seems for the problems are signals and have been for at least 7 years since I returned to live in London so why are they getting worse when this is a known problem.

I would appreciate it if someone could tell me the name of the person in charge of the signals that is the most senior person in whichever organsation is responsible for them.

Tube Companies and their management

Its seems from the commnets I have been getting lately that its time to re-direct my ire at the Tube companies themselves and the ridiculous management that run them and subsequently are the invisible faces responsible for such shit service and high prices.

It is obvious that the customer is the very last person considered when it comes to service, ocnsideration, timeliness and any kind of courtesy or professionalism involved in provision of transporting us long suffering souls around subterranean London.

If any of my readers can advise me of companies, name names , examples of bad management nedlect and nepotism then I will publish and be damned.

Clueless and couldnt care less

Oh dear and I was enjoying the staff, service and fequency of trains at Barons court.

So I arrive there yesterday at 7:40 am to find a large queue. I see that the problem is that the ONE oyster card machine is down. Hence the large queue. But they only had ONE window open for ticket sales. I began to moan not too loudly but obviously loudly enough to get all the others in the queue shuffling nervously and looking at their feet. They must like being inconvenienced as I didnt hear anyone else complaining or more likely they were horrified that they had "a nutter" in Barons court.

When I finally got to the window I made my views known to the chap behind the window (no swearing or shouting) pointing out the fact that there was a large queue of incovenienced people and only one window open but that 3 yards away 2 jolly (and fat) LU staff were having a whale of a time drinking their steaming cappucinos and having a no doubt fascinating discussion with the newspaper seller (who by the way leans on the post at a 45 degree angle with his other hand out not looking at those that drop their change into his mitt or greeting them with a hearty good morning). No doubt they were analysing the budget presented by the nosepicker and eaterer (see todays metro). Anyway I digress. So I realised as I was berating the chap that he was behaving as though I was just asking for ticket and acting normally. He then told me the card machine at the window wasnt working either. At this point of course I looked like that angry little bloke in those cartoons - Yosemite Sam.

Luckily I had some cash. and they did actually open another window. Good old Barons Court

My wife had the same problem later at West Ken and was told to go and get some money out and it wasnt their fault as she should have renewed the night before!!!!!!!!!!! what??

She bunked on instead and she is a really nice chick and not in her nature to do that normally.

Nothing like a bit of customer service eh?

Tube Night on BBC4

BBC 4 had a "Tube Night" last night with an evening of programmes about the tube. It was very interesting to see how the attitudes and workforce have changed over the years. In the golden era during the 30's - 50's the workforce was large necessary (as it turns out), polite, well trained and supervised with a marvellous sense that what they were doing was important to them and the public. And they all seemed to speak such good crisp english not the slack jawed estuary version we have grown used to. In other words a service. It seems that lack of investment started really in the 50's when public money used for the tube was dfiverted to rebuidling London and the economy after the war. Maintenance was not what is was, staff were laid off and rolling stock not updated. This resulted in several incidents up to and including the Kings Cross fire in 1987 caused by a stray match setting light to the dust and deritus that had previously been kepy out by "the fluffers" , cleaners responsible for keeping the system clean removing 100 tons of dust a year.

Inspections and maintenance was carried out through the night.

Contrast that with now. The network is filthy, signals always failing and staff with no real leadership in terms of morale pride or sense of duty.

Its a pity it has been allowed to deteriorate to this degree as London deserves a good tube netwrok. Interestingly there was a soundbite of that fat useless wanker prescott making a vociferous 1997 statement to the effect that Lononders expected a good efficient tube and he was going to make sure we damn well got one. Well we arer still waiting.

Foxtons - Crafty as Foxes

Something slightly different for you this week.

I am currently between properties and have registered with all estate agents in the areas I am looking in (Chelsea, Earls Court, South Ken etc).

Foxtons bombarded me with properties and tel calls mostly with stuff that didnt relate to my requirements. They then tried to tell me I needed to raise my budget. Then they sent me some good looking properties that were part of their "Sunday Market Scheme". This is where they get lots of viewing on a single Sunday and obviously hope to create an auction type scenario where people start bidding over the price to secure a property as they see how many people they are competing with.

Now I have found thenm out in another underhand manouvre and suddenly a light goes on in ones head. I was negitiating for a property through the sole agent. The property was priced at 586k 4 months ago then reduced to 569k I offered 549k which would have been accepted but the estate agent then said that Foxtons had appeared on the scene and told the owner it was worth 650k so being greedy as we alkl are she declined my offer.

Later that afternoon Foxtons contacted me with a "development opportunity" (its not its 4 studios than need a lot of work to convert and no developer wants to pay more than 500k). It was the same property. I told them to remove me from their books as they couldnt be trusted and that they were underhand. How can I trust any of their valuations now?. However since they have so many offices in London and have all the best properties on their books they virtually control the prices.

I will never deal with them at any price now. Spread the word

Mind the Gap !!

I find that I need a correspondent to report the performance of the Wimbledon spur of the district line as I never have reason to travel on it anymore. So anyone out there that can keep me informed I will post your comments here.

MY latest gripe is mainly the passengers. I change from the picadilly to the Central line at Holborn in order to get into the city. When the train doors open one could be forgiven for thinking the train was packed... but no. A quick peek past the selfish bastards crowding the doors shows there is oceans of room beyond. I now just hunker down and shove in and when they look in dismay I point out the amount of room. The is that taken up by rucksacks, broadshhet newspaper readers and........ the english gap. When they say mind the gap I think they mean the 1 inch or more that each person feels they must have around them in order not to make any physical contact with their fellow passengers. Anal in the extreme and prevents more people getting into a carriage. Not me though I dont mind standing next to fat, ugly or lumpen miseries when I am in a hurry. Of course its a bonus when one is next to a fragrant beauty but there arent many of those at 7:30 in the morning.

MIND THE GAP!!!!

Dont touch !!

Isnt it strange that in a city of 10 million people and overcrowded trains people in this country are so anally retentive that they hate any physical contact. Have you noticed that even a millimetre of space is protected vociferously. You get dirty looks or the hip shove if you actually make bodily contact. The blokes think you are gay and women seem to think you are drying to dry hump them. Then you get those that use their newspaper as a force field even on the most crowded train.

Actually its suprising really that we havent had a commuter rage killing. But then how would you be able to use any weapon

Goodbye and Good Riddance to the District Line - Wimbledon branch

Oh Joy

I have moved out of Southfields and left behind the nightmare that is that poxy branch of the district line. I am now in the West Ken, Barons Court Area and I must say the improvement in my daily trip is unimaginable. Hardly ever have to wait more than a few mins for a train and can get to the station later and still get a seat. Obviously usual rules apply in terms of the drivers social club at Earls court holding proceedings up while they chat (in monosyllables of course)

A comment that cam in from Fellatio oops I mena Felicity.

"If we got the Tube Thumper to work for one night during the engineering hours, he'd probably cop out after 5 minutes. Trying to maintain as well as improve a railway that has been part of London for well over 100 years is no walk in the park, so quit whinging like a spoilt brat and ride a bloody bicycle round London if you're that concerned about your own backside."


We ll thanks for the offer Felicity but I think I will keep my highly paid job in the city rather than venture into your tunnel. As a customer its my perogative to whinge and remember baby the customer is ALWAYS right.

Comment Corner

Thanks for the recent comments to this blog published here for your delectation

Anonymous said...
You know that come 2011 they'll be telling us that they won't be installed until 2020 for some stupid reason.




Anonymous said...
The new trains planned for that line have to be delivered first and they will run on the old present day signalling. When all the new trains are running and the old ones scrapped the new signalling will be installed area by area. The new trains will have to be able to use both old and new signalling ( interunning ) until the whole line is resignalled. Converting pre war train stop/trip cock signalling to the latest moving block technology and on a line as large as the district will take some time. 2011 could been seen as optimistic. The complexity of what is planned is not to underestimated as the District also shares tracks with the Circle/Piccadilly/H&C

Thanks for that technical input. I just want to get on a train (on time) get to my destination (quickly) and for a reasonable price (£2). Is that too much to ask?

Kleenex said...
Get a fukcing life!
All I see here is whingeing about the tube. You need to get out more and stop being obsessed and wound up with such things.

Well Kleenex thats what this blog is about. I have a superb life apart form the tube and obviously am idiscerning enough to demand a better service than I get now for the exhobitant fares I pay. Nice nickname you have. Obviously a regular wanker.

The Dreaded District Line to Wimbledon

As I have mentioned before this line is probably the worst on the whole network. There seem to be less trains going through Earls Court to Wimbledon and when it comes to getting out of the wimbledon area its a joke. This morning there was 1 train in 20 mins between 7.25 and 7:45 and this is the RUSH hour. Signal problems apparently. I dont buy it!!! But geuss what I have to. There is no other choice and thats the point really isnt it? Anyway I am moving beyond that part of the district line close to Earls Court yippeeeeeeee !!!

I see that one of the marvellous operating companies have said there will be no improvement until 2011 as the new signals will not be installed until then. WHY NOT. Anyway the fares will be so high by then that it will only be used by a few people. Its funny isnt it how developing countries like India etc are improving their infrastructure and but are destroying ours. I dont for the life of me know why people want to come here.

I cant be bothered with wit or anger today. I am too demoralised having to travel like that this morning. I was late for a business meeting although I left home in plenty of time. In fact it would have been quicker to fly to spain.

Efficiency at last

No not improved services, punctuality or trains. As I predicted the quickest thing LU do in a year is put the prices up and get all those machines changed in a flash.

We have the most when it comes to our tube network.

Most Costly
Most inefficient
Most Slow
Most crap trains (especially the disgusting district line)
Most signal failures

I could go on but its too depressing but I wonder if we have the most jumpers too.

So if the lowest single journey in now £4 thereby removing the freedom to travel on a whim of those that are not regular tube users, by the time of the olympics our guests from around the world should be paying £16 for the lowest cost journey. By then the star trek style beam me up travel option should be available so we wont need the tube which wil be gleamingly new, fast and efficient (yeah right) ....... and empty. The government dont need to worry about an overheated economy LU seem to have the answer to slowing growth.

Still with the thousands of new Europeans that will be flooding in perhaps a rickshaw or people powered stagecoach service will be implemented.

2006 Skool Report for the TUBE

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
to all readers and contributors (even the ones that slag me off hahahaha)


I must have been delirious (or pissed) yesterday. There I was on Notting Hill Station Platform with no train on the electronic board and let out my usual theatrical sigh of exasperation when, on hearing me a fellow traveller launched into a tirade about the tube , the service, the staff etc. And he was South African. Now I am a proud Englishman and Londoner so naturally I took the (almost)contrarian view to Johnny foreigner

I said that although I agreed with him it had to be remembered that this was the Oldest tube system in the world (1-0 to England) and the most extensive (2-0) and that that no investment had been made by subsequent governments. I said that no wonder the staff were pissed off when they had to work in the shit thing and take abuse. He sort of agreed but we concluded that something had to be done NOW.

Well the tube year has been mostly a depressing one for me. I live on the District line branch to Wimbledon which in spite of the good work of the local conservative MP in attempting to handbag better service it is still to say the least .... SHIT. So much so that I have sold my house and I am moving into a more cental location (Chelsea/South Ken) to improve my chances of getting around without losing more brain cells to anger and rage.

The summer was a nightmare of sweltering trains, more signal failure than chins in a chinese phone directory and the ever depressing announcements of the old school loose jawed english essex peasant drivers (the others are fine). Just a few announcements to illustrate;

The nex train wiw leev fwom platfowm free.

This train is for to-er ill only. (tower hill ?)

This train is for pa int on. (paddington?)

And the ubiquitous. Sorry ladies and gentlemen but this train will terminate....... at any number of station that is not my destination.

Still there were no disasters (except for the service itself) but I did notice a seeming increase in customer action (a euphemism for someone being pushed or jumping in front of a train (I know how they felt). Perhaps like the Bodies exhibition we could have an exhibition of Jumpers (or one unders as they are known in the trade).

The other thing that adds greatly to the whole frustrating rush hour tube experience (for that is where my main critisisms lie) are the passengers. What a bunch!!!! no guts to complain, too dulled or tired to talk to or acknowledge one another (except if they have just had their legs blown off). Add to that the rucksack wearers who are wankers (and thats the ones without explosives) and the Ipoders who insist on blaring the music out of their gobs as it is so loud in the phones, the chavs with external speakerphones who insist on imposing their shit on the other passengers and the whole thing is a tinderbox ready to explode into the first sub terranean conflagration since bora bora.

Next year things will be better;

Staff will be bright and breezy
Trains will arrive on time
passengers will be friendly to each other
signal failure will be a thing of the past.
I wont push the old and inform out of the way for my seat in the morning.
Metronet will invest heavily in improvements.

And if you believe all that dont forget to put that glass of sherry in the hearth for the fat bloke in red coming down the chimney (no... not bob crowbar).

On a slightly more serious note I would like to thank the long suffering staff that work to help the public and put up with all the shit that wankers like me dole out. I know you understand our frustrations you have to work with it.

The public would totally support (In my not so humble opinion) an all out strike by tube staff to demand improvements in services for the travelling public. It would be a popular strike with fantastic public support.

Once again Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Salam Alikum, all the best me old china, and to all the rest just enjoy the goodwill to all men bit..... it doesnt last.

See you next Year. The Tube Thumper X

I Dont Like Mondays - Part 2

As usual on a Monday morning I really got my moneys worth in terms of time spent on the tube. This morning it took me ONE AND AND HALF HOURS yes....... 1.5 hours....... 90 minutes to complete a 40 minute train journey.

Lucky Brenda isn't a customer.



She didnt like Mondays either.

I will donate a free article on the blog to the 1st correct answer. Who is it?

Comment Corner

I thought I would re-print a selection of some of the comments I get on this blog. See if you can spot a pattern.

From a tube customer.

Indeed what right has a long suffering customer to complain about a service that is:
1)Overpriced
2)Filthy
3)Overcrowded
4)Manned by rude and unhelpful staff
5)Utterly unreliable

Well said mate this riduculous state of affairs will continue until people rebel and make it clear they're justnot going to pay for this rubbish anymore.

From a member of LU staff

He didnt let you through? Good, you sound like a sad old git! Get a life! Some staff are crap, but most give a stuff, including me. To publish someone's name without their permission is sheer malice. Hope you get caught in the ticket barriers next time.

Read some of your other blogs, you just hate the tube dont you? Well dont use it then. Staff hate having to deal with people like you, our job would be a joy if we didnt have to deal with petty boring people like you.

From a customer

i don't think it's on to take pictures of people's feet on the tube.

nice site btw :-)

From an LU employee

You pay our wages? Well when is my next pay raise? Just read some of your rants.....sorry blogs, if the tube stresses you out, why do you use it?

From a customer

Great blog mate, I almost incandescent with rage every single time I use this hopless service. It's a national disgrace.


So thats a few comments from people that read the site. Interesting how LU staff all spout vitriol in response to my constructive and (hopefully) informative rants as one reader puts its. I have to say I find it incredible that LU staff dont seem to think in terms of CUSTOMERS. We are just a nuisance. One guy wants to know when his next raise is!!!!!!!. If I did my job like that I wouldnt have one. Still good old Bob Crow will make sure they get their raise and our fares will continue to rise. You couldnt make it up could you ?


It was quite funny this morning. The train was pulling into Westminster and this woman started shouting "is there a doctor on board" (i think there may have been a witch doctor or two). The doors open and she rushed out and down the platform to get help. She rushed back and they helped a young lady off the train that looked like she may have a tummy ache, probably period pains or a dodgy cornflake. Still lucky the good samaritan didnt panic then. Most people looked really pissed off with her and the poor girl for holding the train up. I know I was.

Meltdown!!!!!

When will the sheep that London Underground charges for not providing a viable transport service start rebelling? This week I have had completely cancelled services on Wednesday, a TWENTY minute wait for a circle line train on thursday in the RUSH hour and a FIFTEEN minute wait in the rain for a district line train today.

Wednesdays meltdown was due to cheating, overpaid signal staff. They were told to stop fiddling their overtime by management so in a fit of pique they decided not to do any and bought the whole network to a standstill. These cheating scum earn 38k a year and when caught fiddling and warned they bring London to its knees. Come on you sheep!!!!! start complaining. Why one asks are there any such thing as signalmen when this should all be computerised anyway as it is on Underground systems around the world that actually work. The answer is UNIONS and protectionism. By the way when trains are delayed due to signal failure you dont see the fuckers out with flags and torches to keep the service running do you?

How can a CIRCLE line train be twenty minutes late? So they go round in a circle (a bit like our 1st toy train set. There must have been only 2 or 3 on the circle line then.

Once again failure to perform, failure to give a fuck. I bet they wont fail to put the prices up though come January.

Its amazing that this must be the only business in the world along with the railways and government to charge exhorbitant prices to their customers and increase prices each year then provide a WORSE service. I must be in the wrong game.

I am going to get some stickers and flyers printed and get them out to try to get the sheep (public) to act on this disgusting situation. Some of the ways we can revolt are.

Refuse to pay en masse and just force our way through the barriers.
Hold trains up and not let them leave when they do finally arrive.
Write letters of complaint everyday to LU and copy the Evening Standard and me. I will coordinate a campaign if I get support.

Lets put pressure on. We deserve more. If you dont act now you deserve what you get. SHIT!!!

The World is my Oyster (NOT)

Its typical of this country.

Start charging for roads.... but dont build new ones. I thought we had paid over and over for the ones we have now!!!

Put train fares up year after year ........ but dont deliver and better service!

Force everyone into getting Oyster cards...... but only put a few machines in stations!!!

Come on sharpen up there are hundreds of the old ticket machines unused and usually just one oyster card machine.

why oh why

Why is it that on a monday after a weekend of inconvenient maintenance the service is rubbish. This monday we had delays on numerous lines including the district line apparently due to an "incident" at temple. Barristers wig on the line perhaps? The circle line west severely delayed westbound due to someone being taken ill. Need to know more about that. Was someone coughing or did they have leprosy. We should be told!!

Another thing i have noticed is that drivers seem to have loads of time to shoot the breeze with fellow drivers and LU employees. A jolly old time being had by all. Never mind the poor bastards crammed in the train they just pay the wages.

well winter is here now so we can expect all sorts of fun with leaves, ice, rain (have you seen the leaks at notting hill? its like a victorian public baths).

Maybe I should hiberate.

Phew !!!!!

Well here we are in the second week in October and the heating is on. Why? Its not cold and not likely to be for a while. I have just got over the worst that cattle conditions of the summer and now I am blighted by the dry overheated carriages. And there is a worry about flu spreading with a particularly virulent strain arpound. Well the tube should certainly contribute to the wholesale slaughter of thousands. Still If I am still alive at least they wont be so overcrowded