Friday, December 22, 2006

2006 Skool Report for the TUBE

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
to all readers and contributors (even the ones that slag me off hahahaha)

I must have been delirious (or pissed) yesterday. There I was on Notting Hill Station Platform with no train on the electronic board and let out my usual theatrical sigh of exasperation when, on hearing me a fellow traveller launched into a tirade about the tube , the service, the staff etc. And he was South African. Now I am a proud Englishman and Londoner so naturally I took the (almost)contrarian view to Johnny foreigner

I said that although I agreed with him it had to be remembered that this was the Oldest tube system in the world (1-0 to England) and the most extensive (2-0) and that that no investment had been made by subsequent governments. I said that no wonder the staff were pissed off when they had to work in the shit thing and take abuse. He sort of agreed but we concluded that something had to be done NOW.

Well the tube year has been mostly a depressing one for me. I live on the District line branch to Wimbledon which in spite of the good work of the local conservative MP in attempting to handbag better service it is still to say the least .... SHIT. So much so that I have sold my house and I am moving into a more cental location (Chelsea/South Ken) to improve my chances of getting around without losing more brain cells to anger and rage.

The summer was a nightmare of sweltering trains, more signal failure than chins in a chinese phone directory and the ever depressing announcements of the old school loose jawed english essex peasant drivers (the others are fine). Just a few announcements to illustrate;

The nex train wiw leev fwom platfowm free.

This train is for to-er ill only. (tower hill ?)

This train is for pa int on. (paddington?)

And the ubiquitous. Sorry ladies and gentlemen but this train will terminate....... at any number of station that is not my destination.

Still there were no disasters (except for the service itself) but I did notice a seeming increase in customer action (a euphemism for someone being pushed or jumping in front of a train (I know how they felt). Perhaps like the Bodies exhibition we could have an exhibition of Jumpers (or one unders as they are known in the trade).

The other thing that adds greatly to the whole frustrating rush hour tube experience (for that is where my main critisisms lie) are the passengers. What a bunch!!!! no guts to complain, too dulled or tired to talk to or acknowledge one another (except if they have just had their legs blown off). Add to that the rucksack wearers who are wankers (and thats the ones without explosives) and the Ipoders who insist on blaring the music out of their gobs as it is so loud in the phones, the chavs with external speakerphones who insist on imposing their shit on the other passengers and the whole thing is a tinderbox ready to explode into the first sub terranean conflagration since bora bora.

Next year things will be better;

Staff will be bright and breezy
Trains will arrive on time
passengers will be friendly to each other
signal failure will be a thing of the past.
I wont push the old and inform out of the way for my seat in the morning.
Metronet will invest heavily in improvements.

And if you believe all that dont forget to put that glass of sherry in the hearth for the fat bloke in red coming down the chimney (no... not bob crowbar).

On a slightly more serious note I would like to thank the long suffering staff that work to help the public and put up with all the shit that wankers like me dole out. I know you understand our frustrations you have to work with it.

The public would totally support (In my not so humble opinion) an all out strike by tube staff to demand improvements in services for the travelling public. It would be a popular strike with fantastic public support.

Once again Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Salam Alikum, all the best me old china, and to all the rest just enjoy the goodwill to all men bit..... it doesnt last.

See you next Year. The Tube Thumper X

Monday, December 11, 2006

I Dont Like Mondays - Part 2

As usual on a Monday morning I really got my moneys worth in terms of time spent on the tube. This morning it took me ONE AND AND HALF HOURS yes....... 1.5 hours....... 90 minutes to complete a 40 minute train journey.

Lucky Brenda isn't a customer.

She didnt like Mondays either.

I will donate a free article on the blog to the 1st correct answer. Who is it?

Monday, December 04, 2006

Comment Corner

I thought I would re-print a selection of some of the comments I get on this blog. See if you can spot a pattern.

From a tube customer.

Indeed what right has a long suffering customer to complain about a service that is:
4)Manned by rude and unhelpful staff
5)Utterly unreliable

Well said mate this riduculous state of affairs will continue until people rebel and make it clear they're justnot going to pay for this rubbish anymore.

From a member of LU staff

He didnt let you through? Good, you sound like a sad old git! Get a life! Some staff are crap, but most give a stuff, including me. To publish someone's name without their permission is sheer malice. Hope you get caught in the ticket barriers next time.

Read some of your other blogs, you just hate the tube dont you? Well dont use it then. Staff hate having to deal with people like you, our job would be a joy if we didnt have to deal with petty boring people like you.

From a customer

i don't think it's on to take pictures of people's feet on the tube.

nice site btw :-)

From an LU employee

You pay our wages? Well when is my next pay raise? Just read some of your rants.....sorry blogs, if the tube stresses you out, why do you use it?

From a customer

Great blog mate, I almost incandescent with rage every single time I use this hopless service. It's a national disgrace.

So thats a few comments from people that read the site. Interesting how LU staff all spout vitriol in response to my constructive and (hopefully) informative rants as one reader puts its. I have to say I find it incredible that LU staff dont seem to think in terms of CUSTOMERS. We are just a nuisance. One guy wants to know when his next raise is!!!!!!!. If I did my job like that I wouldnt have one. Still good old Bob Crow will make sure they get their raise and our fares will continue to rise. You couldnt make it up could you ?

It was quite funny this morning. The train was pulling into Westminster and this woman started shouting "is there a doctor on board" (i think there may have been a witch doctor or two). The doors open and she rushed out and down the platform to get help. She rushed back and they helped a young lady off the train that looked like she may have a tummy ache, probably period pains or a dodgy cornflake. Still lucky the good samaritan didnt panic then. Most people looked really pissed off with her and the poor girl for holding the train up. I know I was.

Friday, December 01, 2006


When will the sheep that London Underground charges for not providing a viable transport service start rebelling? This week I have had completely cancelled services on Wednesday, a TWENTY minute wait for a circle line train on thursday in the RUSH hour and a FIFTEEN minute wait in the rain for a district line train today.

Wednesdays meltdown was due to cheating, overpaid signal staff. They were told to stop fiddling their overtime by management so in a fit of pique they decided not to do any and bought the whole network to a standstill. These cheating scum earn 38k a year and when caught fiddling and warned they bring London to its knees. Come on you sheep!!!!! start complaining. Why one asks are there any such thing as signalmen when this should all be computerised anyway as it is on Underground systems around the world that actually work. The answer is UNIONS and protectionism. By the way when trains are delayed due to signal failure you dont see the fuckers out with flags and torches to keep the service running do you?

How can a CIRCLE line train be twenty minutes late? So they go round in a circle (a bit like our 1st toy train set. There must have been only 2 or 3 on the circle line then.

Once again failure to perform, failure to give a fuck. I bet they wont fail to put the prices up though come January.

Its amazing that this must be the only business in the world along with the railways and government to charge exhorbitant prices to their customers and increase prices each year then provide a WORSE service. I must be in the wrong game.

I am going to get some stickers and flyers printed and get them out to try to get the sheep (public) to act on this disgusting situation. Some of the ways we can revolt are.

Refuse to pay en masse and just force our way through the barriers.
Hold trains up and not let them leave when they do finally arrive.
Write letters of complaint everyday to LU and copy the Evening Standard and me. I will coordinate a campaign if I get support.

Lets put pressure on. We deserve more. If you dont act now you deserve what you get. SHIT!!!