The Underground Blog Experience - TUBE

Another Happy New Year from LU

2011-11-23T18:55:00.000Z

Well as is expected LU staff have threatened to strike on christmas evee and boxing day

Who cares let them strike. walk run cycle eat drink and be merry but do not give that lot a penny more

50 Grand??????

2011-10-06T10:54:00.000Z

50 yes fifty!!!!!! thousand pounds for being a lever puller, for thats what driving a tube train is all about oh yes and making insufficient announements, being sarcastic when you do, chatting to your mates at Earls Court while passengers just wait, not turning up after a public holiday

A disgrace. Roll on those automated trains. Bob Crow shouldnt be difficult to replace as there are loads of common fat mouthed uncouth scum like that all over the country

The wonderful weekends with LU

2011-10-03T14:49:00.000Z

So "Planned" Engineering works bought london to a standstill again this weekend. Earls Court station once again excelled in its lack of caring about those who pay their wages. THE CUSTOMER. Most days last week were a shambles.

They cant even decide which train is leaving from which platform so one has the ridulous situation of people running from one train to another then back again and the one they got off last leaves 1st.

I bet the staff are having a massive giggle though. After all it impossible to get fired from LU and if by anychnace you do for drinking, nearly causing dreadful accidents or just not doing your job proberly then Cock Crow will whip up a series of strikes.

Why is it thatn when the service is so shit people stand around like stunned mullets saying nothing but looking at me ranting like I am mad (which I fucking well am by then)

If you stand for it you get the service you deserve

So we now BRIBE LU staff to work during the Olympics

2011-09-20T09:27:00.000Z

I read in the newspapers than LU are going to pay a "bonus" to LU staff to ensure no strike action during the Olympics. So this just confirms what greedy, selfish militant bastards they really are. Well it certainly confirms that fat, thick common Bob Crow thinks of us all.

It cant be beyond the wit and technology of man to devise a fully automated tube service. Just think.

No strikes.
Fares could be lowered.
No having to deal with the uncaring , lazy greedy so called staff on LU
No more listening to loose jawed announcements from disinterested drivers
A service that works in a coordinated timely manner.

The time is coming and lets hope its sooner rather than later.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-22T10:49:00.000Z

All in all not a bad year on the tube really. They coped well in the snow, service was good (for me). Only a few rows with staff and passengers. Met some fab chicks on the TUBE. The main gripe which lets face it is always the same is.

FAT FUCKING UGLY COMMON BOB CROW - WE HATE YOU. YOU ARE A CUNT

Merry Christmas to everyone else and a happy new year

Take your World Cup and Stick it up your crooked arse

2010-11-30T15:46:00.000Z

Fifa must have the most crooks in any organisation outside the Cosa Notra. Bribery, Phanton offices rentals, ticket touting, front companies its all there. The amazing thing is is that all the countires in the football playing world and so called football associations are putting up with this crafty crooked bunch. But them with a thick bunch of twats that can only kick a ball and being paid exhorbitant money who is surprised. In any other profession there would be an outcry if the mentally handicapped were being robbed rigid

Simply Huge !!!

2010-11-17T08:25:00.000Z

When I boarded my district line tube this morning at Earls Court I thought someone had left a hot air ballon on the train. However on closer inspection it was a human woman as I could see a head sticking out of a huge padded coat (she didnt need it) and an equally huge packback which must have been her packed lunch rather than gym kit. There she was hanging onto the central pole as the doors open. The whole entry section of the train was taken up by this monument. I did see that the other side of her there was quite a bit of room so I gently (at first) said excuse me and squeezed passed. She raised her head from her phone game and looked at me peckishly and I said can I get through there as there is plenty of space. I slotted home but then as she turned I was buffeted by her bag. I looked and realised that from her front her back including rucksack must have been 4ft. As the train filled up there she stood like the Colosuss of Rhodes but fatter. It occurred to me that if a bomb went off i would be safe behind her. Then a seat appeared and christ did she move..... Off came the backpack and she swallowed a couple of rivals before squeezing most of herself and her big coat into a seat. 2 stops later I looked over and she was gone..... perhaps it was all a dream.

Thanks for Striking its good for the health

2010-11-03T08:15:00.001Z

Thanks to fat ugly common scumbag Bob Crow we are all enjoying the opportunity to get to work on pied a terre, bikes, jogging and swimming up the Thames. A perfect way to keep fit and gird ones loins and character in preparation for all the other sheep strikes led by greedy self important thick, immature, impotent, ugly, aggressive, fat, boring union leaders.

We shall overcome these greedy , petty useless fuckwits that can't actually run a service properly when their pea brains are'nt striking .

And as for the firemen i think everyone should visit them on their picket lines on November the 5th and set fire to the moonlighting , greedy, fuckwit, lazy scum

Move up , Move up

2010-10-19T07:59:00.000Z

Why is it that people get on the train and STOP!!! Dead in their tracks as if thats it "Im on, fuck everyone else" they can then proceed to open their new paper and take up the space of about 4 people. I have a very large diamond topped victorian hatpin that I am going to be sticking into people very hard this winter. The great thing is you can jab right into someones leg and pin it inside the jacket before they even know whats happened.

More comments from the big brave Anonymous squirrel

2010-09-09T08:35:00.001Z

My biggest fan took the trouble to leave another charming little message on here in the comments section once again writing under the cowards cloak of anonimity.

He writes in response to my last posting;

"Wrong again shithead! Maybe I'm one of those people you have insulted who is not an LUL employee? There's plenty of us, after all! Anyway, not very nice to see you back, arsehole!"

Seems to have a problem this poor creature I cant have insulted him/her personally I dont think except if its Bob Crow who i dont think cares as he is too thick (skinned).

seems that this little nonentity is getting his/her knickers in a twist about my witty and humourous musings on LU, staff, passengers et al. Oh well you will be relieved to learn that I have started to cycle now and those cyclists really get on my tits.

There they are in their dayglo jackets and padded pants that look like full up nappies. Some stop at traffic lights and others (like me) sensibly look both ways before continuing. After all whats the point in having a bike and then behaving like a car.

I will be bringing the best of my miserable musings to bear on cyclists now as well as the population of the tube.

I got on the tube yesterday and when the doors opened a woman shrieked

"Im not moving! Im Pregnant! "

I said to her. "well then I suggested you travel at a time more condusive to your condition wrapped in cotton wool" then muttered into my newspaper "or preferably clingfilm"

she was gutted (not literally)

thanks for the comments and requests

2010-08-24T10:01:00.001Z

Well it has been sometime since I wrote an entry in this blog. However i do get the occaisional comment of support and of course insults.

I had one brave soul anonymously calling me a loser and hoping that I would not be posting again. I from the bad grammer and aggresive tone and i am certain it was one of the wonderful LU employees.

I also recieve a spam comment every week in Chinese. Whats the point nobody reads or understands that gobbledegook shit.

Anyway the last couple of months on the tube have been wonderrful ?????. Yes during the summer holidays the trains are much less crowded and one doesnt have to push and shove (so much). Also the girls wear less and are a pleasure to behold.

I am off on holiday but will be back in September to THUMP.

Driverspeak

2010-02-09T10:58:00.000Z

Driverspeak is something worth familiarising yourself with as you may end up all over the place if you are not able to translate.

Platfawm - Platform
free - Three
gaps in the service - running late
move down inside the carriages - stay where you are blocking the doors.

ows cawt - Earls Court

waiting for a platform to become free - waiting for the lazy drivers to stop talking to each other at the next stop.

Planned Engineering works - crisis management

signal failure - crap service

passenger action - suicide jumper

Passenger Scum

2010-01-20T12:05:00.000Z

I am really getting pissed off with the selfish bastards that use the tube.

Every day I have to ask people to move in when they are blocking the doors making the train look full when there is lots of room inside. They look at you like you have just asked to borrow their wife. I usually either shove them in or squeeze past them and show them how much room there really is. I have been known to say "see there's room for a bloody juggler in here" but then everyone of course looks at you in that embarrassed way like you are a nutter.

Then there are the rucksacks and bags that people insist on wearing on the tube rather than placing it between their feet. They shove you about with no regard. I am trying to come up with something to combat it like pinching a girls arse when her handbag shoves me and saying "oh sorry I thought you were touching me up so I thought I would have a go" or a little razor to slit open the bottom of blokes rucksacks so that everything inside falls out.

As ever though its the music coming from peoples earphones that pisses me off most but far short of giving them evil looks or pretending to talk to them by just moving your lips there is not much that can be done.

I am thinking of getting some little stickers made though so that I can slip them onto peoples backs or bags. Something subtle like "I'm a Twat"
Designs or suggestions welcome

Happy New Year

2010-01-06T09:55:00.000Z

Happy New Year.

LU were right on time with the fare increases although I cant complain as I think my weekly Oyster has only gone up by about 20p a week. Mind you the trains have been crap all week with a service akin to a Sunday.

Got off to a good start on passengerwatch today. I was at Westminster waiting to get onto the Jubille line and when the doors opened I stood aside to let those disembarking get off. Imagine by surprise when an ugly bearded monster in a puffa jacket with a rucksack (natch) came pushing off and barged past me. He looked back to see my reaction so I shouted "are you ok fatty" He went from thinking he was clever to facing the facts. Fat, Ugly, Hirsute and Rude. I got on the train where of course everyone was looking at me but I couldnt stop chuckling to myself. What Fun!!

Excuse me are your arms fat or are you just ignorant

2009-12-17T09:07:00.002Z

Now we all know that armrest etiquette is a rather delicate but perfectly managable excercise on the Tube

1. Share the armrest equally from back to front with enough room just to rest part of your arm whilst reading your paper.

2. One person gets the front half and the other tucks in behind for the back half.

Thats the polite way in a nutshell.

Then there are the combative approaches employed by the large, ignorant or sometimes the short and agressive types (like me but I dont do it. Honest Guv.)

1. They plant their arm firmly on the whole rest and ignore any gentle attempt to share. I find the best way to combat this is wait for them to turn their page if they are reading the paper and then take the lot. They then do the same and it can go on for the whole journey. What Fun!!

2. A mini low pressure nudging contest which is a bit like arm wresting but definitely not acknowledged just a silent stoic battle.

3. Sometimes you can't win. The other person is so large you just thank god there is an armrest at all otherwise the lower half of their bulk would also be encroaching. I usually sit down, wriggle, sigh, then stand up. Does'nt get you anywhere but they get the message. Bloody hell I am horrid!

Its about now that not only do the trains thin out a bit passenger wise but people do talk to each other a bit as its Christmas and that. Enjoy it while it lasts.

TFL leave Evening Standard distributors in the cold

2009-12-08T11:49:00.002Z

Recently during the dreadful weather we have been having I have noticed that the people that give out the Evening Standard are out in the cold, wind and rain close to LU and DLR Stations. I have asked a couple why they cant be positioned in the station and they told me that when the Standard was a paid for paper the company had to pay for its pitches in the stations. Now that its free they dont pay and TFL and turfed them out onto the streets.

The Evening Standard is one of the best newspapers in the country and is an occaisional critic of TFL, LU etc. However I think in the spirit of the London community that they could make it more comfortable for the Standard to give the paper away.

The Metro is in every station virtually and chucked around like wastepaper and lets face it it is rubbish as well as rubbish. However they have a toady TFL page and never criticise. Parochialism is alive and well at TFL.

Rude Passengers Own Up

2009-12-02T11:47:00.002Z

According to story in last night's Evening Standard Tube travellers have admitted that the frustration of overcrowding causes them to behave in ways they would not otherwide in order to secure a seat or enough space to stand.

I can vouch for this although I myself go out of my way to move down the carriage or show willingness to squeeze up and let others on. There are a large percentage of people both men and women that get on and stop as soon as they get throught the doors, blocking entrance to others. They also continue to just stand there like immovable objects when the doors open at subsequent stop. I have developed a tactic of asking them to move down, then when ignored just firmly scrumming down and shoving them up.

The other day the was a lady (well sort of) standing in the doorway. I asked her to move up and she said "there's no room!" I squeezed past her and stood in an expanse of space that could have accomodated 3 people and said "there seems to be plenty here. If you had moved up more poeple could have got on" to which she replied "I have no intention of moving anywhere" I said "no that would be far too polite" she muttered something about me being short. I didnt say she was ugly and with her unkempt hair and faint smell of decay she should be careful not to throw stones but was tempted.

Bob Crow Thick O

2009-11-27T21:30:00.002Z

Was'nt Bob Crow a hoot on Have I Got News For You?

Didnt laugh
Didnt say anything remotely funny.
Wore a short sleeved short like some chav hardnut in the biting cold winter.

The worst guest since the tub of lard that had to replace Roy Hattersly. Well worse at least the lard made people laugh.

I hope all you proud members of the RMT had your brain cell breifly stimulated.

Unite members have done the decent thing - sort of

2009-11-27T15:17:00.003Z

I note that Unite members have voted to take industrial action short of striking in their dispute with LU. Well 200 have. Apparently 500 LU workers are members of Unite. Strange that only 200 bothered to vote but then I suppose its like pissing in the wind when we have the 10,000 represented by the RMT yet to vote.

Its all about pay of course. Most people in this country would be lucky to get any sort of pay rise this year and many lucky to have a job at all. I do hope the RMT members do not vote to strike as it will ruin many peoples Christmas (and Winterval for many others).

Bob Crow is on Have I Got News For You Tonight - he has done well for himself hasnt he? I expect he will be on Strictly or I'm a Celebrity next year so he wont be worrying too much about pay rises.

How much does a lever puller backer (driver) get paid these days anyway? And as for the rest now that there are Oyster cards, automatic ticket machines etc. What do they do?

Censored by the left wing geeks

2009-11-26T18:43:00.002Z

In my last post I re-printed some rather amusing comments i got from users of the Rail UK forum. Most of them were disparaging about me and this blog but in the spirit of freedom of speech and fair play I printed them. For some reason that seemed to make them more angry and we had a lively debated during which I teased them with irony but they didnt get it. Here is a selection of the rest of the comments I got. I had over 600 views of my thread on that sight and over 50 replies before the "LOCKED" the thread e.g. censored it. I think its a commnet on the people on the rail scene their politics and small mindedness. Did we expect anything different?

quote "Classic.... lack of grammer, atrocious spelling, not even proud enough to UK the uk..... oh and he called us all train spotters!"

quote "At the risk of argueing with an idiot (something where both parties always lose):
It is racist. You've decided they were forign based purely on how they dress. Also, many many "moderate" Muslims dress like that, and abhor the ideas of jihadis. So yeah, just plain racist.

As to the woman who was banned from wearing a corss- she was banned from wearing jewllery. There's actually good safety grounds to ban frontline staff from wearing necklaces. Further more, whilst the arabic dress is to a certain extent mandated by their holy book, there's nothing in the bible with regards wearing crosses"

quote "All I can see from your blog is you try talk to people on the tube and they don't talk back. What do you expect? The majority of British people WON'T want a conversation with some (potentially harmful) stranger on public transport. They'd rather read a book, listen to music, sit and think or have a conversation with somebody they know. Small-talk is boring and a waste of time, so why bother?"

i then replied;

i am glad to see you have been paying attention and reading the blog.

dont you think i am being just a little bit tongue in cheek sometimes. In anycase i am smartly dressed devastatingly good looking , charming and absolutely not dangerous. You can always spot me at earls court going out of my way to help passengers with luggage if they are struggling while the staff skulk

then i got this back -- hahahaha

quote "The fact you have to post this on a public forums shows that you're either desperate for attention and recognition of doing something (like someone who gives to charity and has to shout about it so everyone knows what they've done), or you're lying and just want people to think you do good.

Also, calling yourself "devestatingly (sic) good looking", especially on a public forum, implies that you're almost certainly uncomfortable about the way you look."

Such fun while it lasted. It seems those that work above ground are more bitter and twisted than those that work underground. Anyway its nice to make so many new friends and I didnt bother to quote them by their geeky nicknames but the know who they are.

Banned and abused - excellent!

2009-11-26T11:15:00.003Z

So in my attempt to learn more and bring cutting edge stories from the world of LU I joined a couple of forums.

District Dave's London Underground Site

I posted this blog name etc and gave a description of it. I had a lot of views then District Dave Banned me. Best not to let your members have any freedom of thought then?

UK Rail Forums

Did the same and have not been banned but had the following comments

Racist - Because I mentioned that I found it strange that Muslim fundamentalists (longs beards and short trousers) were manning security at Heathrow. Does this srtike anyone else as like a fox in the chicken coop?

quote "Some good posts, but equally some rubbish ones. I'm a bit perplexed.. It says at one point you're 7 1/2, then further down the page you have a wife?" --- hahaha

quote

"Not funny, not infuriating, just sad!
For what it's worth, I read the first couple of posts and found them childish. Jokes about members/knobs generally indicate the mentality of a 9 year old. I also found them rather strangely obsessed with hair (or the lack of it), and thought they displayed an arrogance and sense of superioirty that I found a bit distasteful.
A bit of a waste of 3 minutes really, I'm afraid I won't be visiting the blog again!"

Finally, I found a post from a train spotter with links to webcams for spotting trains. Of the 6 uk ones not a train in sight. On the dutch one and the german one trains aplenty. enuf said.

Help! I think i am turning into a geek (as well as a childish dickhead)

So here it is Merry Christmas from the RMT

2009-11-20T11:08:00.002Z

Here we go again.

As predicted (i know a thing or 2 eh?) the RMT are going to ballot their "members" (fancy asking your knob) about strike action. Hahaha what do you think they will choose? Ferrying us customers around or taking an extra long Christmas holiday so that they can scoff even more qwawie streets, and mince pies. I think we can guess what Bob Crow would prefer. Not that he ever sullies himself with actually working on the TUBE. Oh no he is too busy being paid by the "members" (knobs) to be chaffeur driven around eating and drinking on his expense account at our expense.

Its enough to make you want to jump under a train (a one under as they are known) but the fucking thing is delayed due to signal failure

Yuk - The Swine!

2009-11-17T09:48:00.002Z

Isnt it fun now that the Swine Flu is back ably supported by the Noro Virus (thats the one where you explode from both ends). There was a girl on the tube today, headphones on, sniffling and snuffling from her red nose, reading the paper, well i say reading it but she wasn't, she was looking at the pics as she ripped through it. She needed to turn the pages so quickly so she was LICKING HER FINGERS for sticky friction to turn the pages eeeewww. I looked at her with disgust and she saw me looking. I think she got the wrong idea, as instead of stopping the disgusting schnuffling and licking she got her mirror and make-up out.

Later as I was walking up a platform I did let out a sneeze. I covered my mouth and tried to lessen the blast but out it came in a loud YAHOOOOO. A woman with lank , unbrushed grey hair looked at me like I was the monster from the black lagoon so I walked up and asked her if sneezing was illegal. She almost ran off in terror.

Finally I saw a superb sight. A bloke that was bald until the mid point of his head whereby he had an almost quiff like bush of hair on the back 3rd. Like a Jedward but with a beach of pink shiny flesh leading up to the hair bit. I sneaked a pic but cant really post it as that would be too cruel even for me.

I have returned for 2 special fans

2009-11-13T00:01:00.002Z

I hope this ressurection is able to pick on the the growing readership I had when I last wrote. I recieved some contact and then looked again at the blog as I had'nt visited for 6 months. I found some funny and encouraging comments and of course best of all, the the rude ones from the Anti's and LU staff. My daughters 21 and 16 then latched on and read it. And they were pissing themselves laughing, partly from the stories but mainly because they know me and how I view life and the tube as a microcosm of England, the world and human behaviour.

So whats new on the Tube? Well its better I think but then thank god I use Earls Court so a lot of choices. However I do think its surreal that in one direction the Olympia train is coming and going and when there is no expo on it has about 5 people on it for 1 stop. Then the other way they have tons of trains from Earls Court to High St Ken. 1Stop!

The other bizzare occurence is when a train is running late to say upminster they withdraw it from service at Mansion House. I have a theory that happens so that I cant arrive at its final destination late and therefore does not affect the punctuality statistics. Sod the poor bastards who are turfed off and then even later to where they are going.

As usual the worst of the bunch are us, the passengers. Inconsidrate, shifty, suspicious and exisiting with the proximty purgatory they find themselves in when confronted each other.

Still just like Christmas and death 2 things are certain within the next few weeks. Tube strikes and the the ultimate punctuality success in the LU annual calender, the price hikes. That will be on time all right and not taken out of service running late.

I would like to encourage more participation and ideas from readers so any stories, tubey type stereotype contribution (especially if they are drawn or photographed) are welcome and i will post them here.
www

BAA make LU look like top notch.

2008-03-28T09:12:00.003Z

BAA and the terminal 5 fiasco is the global public face of how not to run airports. However the regular or casual travelling through Large UK airports experience the true humiliating, inefficient and rude service BAA has to offer. The security is so tight that one is almost better off arriving naked. However I am not convinced it is actually secure. I have on several occasional unwittingly left things with metal on like belts and watches. Left liquids and creams in hand luggage, again unwittingly but never been challenged.

Last week at 5am at terminal 3 we arrived to get on the end of one of those huge zig zag tape lines moving painfully slowly. Marshalling the line were 2 Muslim chaps with those mullah type beards and the old trouser length
h rather short. Now in my experience of Islam (which is considerable) this look denotes a more fundamentalist type. I am sure they had been vetted and are jolly capital chaps but it seems a tad insensitive considering all the non muslims are having to queue like this in the main because of certain factions of that faith capable of devastating acts of terror using aeroplanes

I am seriously avoiding flying as much as possible in future as the whole shebang has become very unpleasant indeed.

Security considerations, health and safety and overt political correctness have turned this country into an over regulated gutbucket with services and behaviour in rapid decline despite all the rules and taxes.

You talkin to me ???

2008-03-10T12:42:00.003Z

We all know it but its always worth a mention when you get the typical cliched experience of DONT TALK TO ME on the tube.

In the past couple of weeks I have been deliberately talking to people to see what reaction one gets. Now let me just say, I am long haired but usually smartly dressed in a suit or jeans and jacket so its not as though I come over like a nutter.

The other morning the trains at Earls Court were all over the place and the district line was delayed (again). I said the the city type chap on the platform next to me something like. "What a load of rubbish this is again" He looked a fleetingly at me and then swiftly away when he realised i was talking to him and completely ignored me!! He was English all right too. In fact its only the English that are that anally rude. Then there was a guy standing in the train next to where I was sitting and the unmistakable ring tone of a blackberry sounded. He, I and another passenger fumbled for our phones and it was the other passengers ringing. I said to the guy standing next to me. "The old blackberry ring tone trick". He looked terrified, horrified and confused. I thought he was going to vomit on me but he chose to ignore me and read his metro. The chick opposite smiled at this and I smiled back. Of course that only encouraged me to look at her again (as she was quite attractive) and then she knew I must be a perv nutter.

Finally I was at West Brompton station and when the train pulled in the old favourite was in operation. The doors opened and there I was confronted with a tall wide blokes back taking up all the doorway. I could see lots of room in the aisle so I said excuse me. He didn't move ONE cm so I lightly tapped him on the shoulder and again said excuse me. Nothing. I then barged him harder then necessary and moved into the aisle. When I looked back to see if he was going to hit me I could see that he was wearing an IPOD and munching on a croissant or something. He didn't even look at me. I suppose that would had challenged his multitasking skills to the limit what with listening, eating and breathing.

Try talking to strangers on the tube and let me know the reactions you get.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

2008-02-11T11:08:00.001Z

Why is it in one of the most populous, multiculturally diverse (dont you just hate that phrase) cities in the world that has a huge tourust industry do we still have a Sunday service (a euphemism for shit). When we go out on a Sunday the tubes are usually packed with shoppers, tourists and sunday lunchers. Its time to go global LU 24/7 no..... not the day they tried to blow us up, but 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Any danger that one day your "service" will actually be in line with what the public want.

STRIKE ACTION

I see tales that strike action ballots will start soon. Amazing the way it coincides with Vernal Equinox so that those strike days are balmy, long and full of the joys of spring. Oh well have a good time while us poor bastards walk, die trying to go on buses or just lose money.

Dont block the doors

2008-02-06T08:57:00.000Z

Why is that when a train pulls up to a station in the rush hour those standing just inside the doors subconciously give the impression that the train is full? Lets face it we have all done it (well not me as I am a moaning but hopefully considerate tube traveller).

So a few days ago a train pulled up at Earls court and as the doors opened I thought oh christ its heaving. Well it wasnt it was just that the doors were obstructed by 2 Very fat women just talking and not even acknowledging the fact that I was going to get on...... and I was. There was room behind them (well not much) so I said could you move insdie the train please. They just looked at me like I was a snack they werent quite ready to eat and carried on talking (about what they had for breakfast I expect) So I just scrummed down and firmly but gently inched them back whilst I squeezed on. I then noticed that in fact there was loads of room on the train and even a seat!!!! I said excuse me can I get past you as there is loads of room but you are making the train look full (I meant standing in the doorway rather than because of their bulk). They now looked at me as if they were bulimics that had regurgitated me and as the intake of breath they took being so shocked at the merest suggestion they might be large (they werent they were HUGE) I managed to deftly slip by. I felt like the rainbow warrior between two oil tankers. I picked up speed and just managed to get my firm but perfectly formed ass into the seat before some city ponce, who looked at me like I was rat shit. I didnt react but he kept staring so I casually opened my wallet and pretend to look at something making sure my Coutts card was in view. He looked gutted and then when I looked him in the eye he looked away like a shy girl. I read my metro whilst he pretended to be interested in the financial times. luvli

Earls Court - Shameful Eyesore

2008-01-21T15:34:00.000Z

Earls Court really is an eyesore now. All that scaffollding and blue metal panelling. Its been like it for well over a year. As one of the major changeover points and directly on the line from Heathrow I find it appaling that we are prepared to let current users and new arrivals to the country suffer this. The station deserves a good renovation to its former glories and some states of the art platform technology.... oh and the odd train or 2 would be good. Seriously the services through Earls court are some of the best on the line.

Come on get with the program!!

ipod ignorantes

2008-01-07T13:12:00.000Z

Oh look! I got an ipod for Christmas (I did actually)

There they are with their buds pushed into their ears nicely advertising the fact for muggers, smug but moronically blank looks on their faces (is that an oxymoron? I dont think so because its apt.) The problem now is that unless you do take your perosnal music system onto the tube (which I dont) then you are subsject to the tinny sound or their music which is so irritating. Sometimes it is so loud that the sound is coming out of the listeners mouth. Any attempt to communicate ones irritation (via looks of contempt, bewilderment, exasperation or pleading let alone verbally communicating) are usually ignored or in some cases met with foul abuse. I am not the only person to find this annoying I know but so far LU have not put any signs up to indicate that its rude in the extreme to subject others to that sound.

Worse still are the pathetic bullies that play music on their telephones external speakers (usually crap rap, why to they call it R&B its nothing of the sort unless it stands for Rubbish and Bollocks). LU needs to install cattle prods or tasers for these people.

"Break glass in case of wankers"

If you agree with me on this just drop LU a line and ask them to at least put signs in trains so that we can at least superciliously point to them when someone is being unecessarily annoying.

Here is the complaints link

https://www.tfl.gov.uk/tfl/contact/tube/default.asp

Refunds

When service is bad and you have more than a 15 minute delay you are entitled to a refund. Here is the link for that.

https://www.tfl.gov.uk/tfl/tickets/refunds/tuberefund/default.asp

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T11:38:00.000Z

Happy New Year to everyone (and I mean everyone).

No sooner do I say what I said in my previous posts than ads start appearing in newspapers from senior Muslims with a message of support , peace and understanding. I stand corrected in my views and welcome such an initiative. Good luck and lets hope that from all sides we can live in peace, harmony and mutual respect.

Well once again London Underground were bang on time again today. WHAT!!!!

yes they are always guaranteed to be on time once a year. With the fare increases !!!!!

Its not much this year and I am a big fan of the oyster card but its so depressing that in real terms wages are going down the economy is going to go through some tough times and still the increases in taxes, fares and all things monopoly related continue to rise.

As I have only just started writing this blog again I am not sure how many people are reading it so any feedback would be appreciated

whats in a name

2007-11-29T10:13:00.001Z

I lived in the middle east for 12 years and have many muslime friends and aquaintances. I know for fact that the naming of mascots, people etc with the name mohammed is not anti islamic. Lets face it half the muslim men in the world are named mohammed so do they think they are prophets? or would this be considered blasphemous?

I am dissappointed that thus far we are yet to see the leaders of the worlds leading islamic countries condemn the actions of Sudan. This leads to more islamaphobia and I for one and becoming less sympathetic. In fact I am now totally against bedning over backwards to accomodate these people and their sensitivities when they have no sense a brotherhood with us or loyalty to our country.

Fuck em

Rucksack Rage

2007-11-27T12:38:00.000Z

Is it only me (again) or is anyone else fed up with people using their rucksacks as a battering ram. You know what I mean i suppose? They insist of wearing their rucksacks on a packed tube and whereas they would consider any form of body contact an intrusion they dont mind shoving you with the rucksack. Why cant they put them on the floor between their legs? This would also leave space for additional passengers.

I am going to start lighting the fucking things, then when they begin to smoulder a bit it should bring armed officers on board to dispatch them with a few rounds to the head.

On a similar note I wonder why there was a naive debate about wether the armed officers that shot poor old mr de menenzes actually shouted "Armed Police!!" Of course they bloody didnt as that would have given a suicide bomber plenty of time to push the button and blow himself and everyone else to smithereens (what is a smithereen?).

So the new proposed air conditioning system for the tube is a non starter and unworkable... no real suprise there then. Time to get some punkawallahs on board.

I went to Olympia the other evening with my wife to the Erotica show and very good it was too. The tube ride afterwards was brilliant with all the weird and wonderful outfits. I did see a few items I would like to insert into some LU personel (sideways)

Im Back !!!

2007-11-19T11:22:00.000Z

Well its been a long time since I contributed anything to this blog. Does that mean I have had stress free tube travel??? Well I have to say since I moved to the Earls Court area and away from the dreadful Wimbledon spur of the district line things have improved immensely. Earls court always has trains even though they sometimes sit on the platform FULL of people for 5 or more minutes while the signals change !!! Its a good time for the drivers to catch up on gossip and the latest news. They seem to be having a jolly jape while we wait to be trundled (yes trundled) to work. Is it me or is the underground the slowest form of transport in the world. I think earls court to tower hill is about 7 miles and it takes 36 mins. Now even allowing for loading and unloading that is bloody SLOW isnt it. 6.3 minutes per mile 13 stops 3.5 mins per stop yet each stop is an average of 1 km apart. Somethings wrong

The other mystery at the moment is how long it is going to take to finsh the renovations at earls court. Its been over 2 years now and we are still impeded by scaffolding. What an eyesore. And when are you going to renovate the outside of the station on the Warwick road side. Magnificent 30s architecture dulled by neglect of philistines

Finally, I saw Bob "the nob" Crow on tv yesterday. What a marvellous hero of the workers!!!! My polish plumber speaks better english and has more brain cells in his toe than that crafty fucker. He has managed to keep himself above ground on a fat paycheck and company perks for years all paid for by the public that he so regularly incoveniences. You see even in the commie red RMT some brothers are more equal than others eh?? wink wink nudge nudge say no more.

Wemberlee - what a joke

2007-08-28T08:21:00.000Z

So I went to the new wembley stadium to see England vs Germany. The jubilee line was going slower than anything I have ever travelled on in fact it was almost going backwards. The driver made an announcement to the effect that sorry the trains are slow but there is a football match on!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 What!!!!1 that is an excuse. As if the presence of 90k people was a complete surprise. On the way home we had to run to the station 5 mins before the end of the game. The trains were running every 10 mins. What a fucking farce!!1 And we think we can run the Olympics. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

I will never go to Wembley again.

Weekend Works - What the F**** happened today then

2007-05-14T08:37:00.000Z

So the circle line was closed as was most of the district line for work to be carried out. What work was that then? Reverse engineering obviously as the lines were affected by delays and signal failures today. What a joke!!! No one seems to really give a monkeys or be embarrassed about the fact that our tube is probably the worst in the world. Yes I know its old but if we keep using that excuse then we may as well accept that its shit, which I dont!! Its expensive and I expect a good service.

Thanks to the correspondent that commented on my last piece. Its goes to highlight what is wrong with the ethics and attitudes on the tube. The service at the station was shit, simple as that! and the fat guard WAS actually happily drinking coffee while people were being delayed by machine breakdowns and the newpapaer man WAS leaning at a 45 degree angle. I couldnt be bothered to make it up but i can be bothered to complain and I will not be stopping because some unionised wanker that cant accepted criticism (contructive or otherwise). By the way are you fat?

Feedback is welcome. Signals again!!!!!!!

2007-04-11T10:48:00.000Z

THESE SIGNALS WORK FINE. FUNNY YOU DONT SEE THIS WHEN THEY BREAK DOWN DO YOU ??? IT WOULD KEEP THE SERVICE RUNNING

Tony sent me this feedback

"The London Underground wasn't built yesterday, just so you know.I'd like to see you try and keep the signals (a lot of which are probably older than you are) running. It's not just a changing a light bulb - points, train stops and all the other bits and pieces that come together to make 'The Signals' need to be safe before we let you lot loose on it. But enough about that.There is still morale on the combine, it's just not as visible as it used to be. It's a mixture of staff being annoyed with the attitudes of customers having changed (believe it or not, you lot actually used to be polite at some stage), as well as the attitudes of those higher up the chain. Many of the older, more senior workers still have their sense of duty, but I guess you'd rather concentrate on all the negative aspects.Who was there for the masses when the bombs first went off in London? The staff were. "

Thanks for that Tony and I agree with most of what you say. Especially the signals being older than me (im only 7 1/2). I also agree that some of the older staff do seem to be caring and have some pride and sense of duty. However it indicates that training a discipline these days are not what they were as I experience rudeness, ignorance and a not my fault attitude on many occasions. I realise that the staff are not personally to blame but when the inconvenience caused by whatever it may be is so severe then the staff are bound to feel the ire of paying customers as they are the front line. I think it would be a good idea to have a hotline to TFL senior management and that of the operator/owners but the queue for it would be down every steet in London. What we object to is declining service and customer facing staff and paying more for less than any other similar system in the world.

The main reason it seems for the problems are signals and have been for at least 7 years since I returned to live in London so why are they getting worse when this is a known problem.

I would appreciate it if someone could tell me the name of the person in charge of the signals that is the most senior person in whichever organsation is responsible for them.

Tube Companies and their management

2007-03-28T11:25:00.000Z

Its seems from the commnets I have been getting lately that its time to re-direct my ire at the Tube companies themselves and the ridiculous management that run them and subsequently are the invisible faces responsible for such shit service and high prices.

It is obvious that the customer is the very last person considered when it comes to service, ocnsideration, timeliness and any kind of courtesy or professionalism involved in provision of transporting us long suffering souls around subterranean London.

If any of my readers can advise me of companies, name names , examples of bad management nedlect and nepotism then I will publish and be damned.

Clueless and couldnt care less

2007-03-23T10:09:00.000Z

Oh dear and I was enjoying the staff, service and fequency of trains at Barons court.

So I arrive there yesterday at 7:40 am to find a large queue. I see that the problem is that the ONE oyster card machine is down. Hence the large queue. But they only had ONE window open for ticket sales. I began to moan not too loudly but obviously loudly enough to get all the others in the queue shuffling nervously and looking at their feet. They must like being inconvenienced as I didnt hear anyone else complaining or more likely they were horrified that they had "a nutter" in Barons court.

When I finally got to the window I made my views known to the chap behind the window (no swearing or shouting) pointing out the fact that there was a large queue of incovenienced people and only one window open but that 3 yards away 2 jolly (and fat) LU staff were having a whale of a time drinking their steaming cappucinos and having a no doubt fascinating discussion with the newspaper seller (who by the way leans on the post at a 45 degree angle with his other hand out not looking at those that drop their change into his mitt or greeting them with a hearty good morning). No doubt they were analysing the budget presented by the nosepicker and eaterer (see todays metro). Anyway I digress. So I realised as I was berating the chap that he was behaving as though I was just asking for ticket and acting normally. He then told me the card machine at the window wasnt working either. At this point of course I looked like that angry little bloke in those cartoons - Yosemite Sam.

Luckily I had some cash. and they did actually open another window. Good old Barons Court

My wife had the same problem later at West Ken and was told to go and get some money out and it wasnt their fault as she should have renewed the night before!!!!!!!!!!! what??

She bunked on instead and she is a really nice chick and not in her nature to do that normally.

Nothing like a bit of customer service eh?

Tube Night on BBC4

2007-03-19T09:38:00.000Z

BBC 4 had a "Tube Night" last night with an evening of programmes about the tube. It was very interesting to see how the attitudes and workforce have changed over the years. In the golden era during the 30's - 50's the workforce was large necessary (as it turns out), polite, well trained and supervised with a marvellous sense that what they were doing was important to them and the public. And they all seemed to speak such good crisp english not the slack jawed estuary version we have grown used to. In other words a service. It seems that lack of investment started really in the 50's when public money used for the tube was dfiverted to rebuidling London and the economy after the war. Maintenance was not what is was, staff were laid off and rolling stock not updated. This resulted in several incidents up to and including the Kings Cross fire in 1987 caused by a stray match setting light to the dust and deritus that had previously been kepy out by "the fluffers" , cleaners responsible for keeping the system clean removing 100 tons of dust a year.

Inspections and maintenance was carried out through the night.

Contrast that with now. The network is filthy, signals always failing and staff with no real leadership in terms of morale pride or sense of duty.

Its a pity it has been allowed to deteriorate to this degree as London deserves a good tube netwrok. Interestingly there was a soundbite of that fat useless wanker prescott making a vociferous 1997 statement to the effect that Lononders expected a good efficient tube and he was going to make sure we damn well got one. Well we arer still waiting.

Foxtons - Crafty as Foxes

2007-03-14T15:41:00.000Z

Something slightly different for you this week.

I am currently between properties and have registered with all estate agents in the areas I am looking in (Chelsea, Earls Court, South Ken etc).

Foxtons bombarded me with properties and tel calls mostly with stuff that didnt relate to my requirements. They then tried to tell me I needed to raise my budget. Then they sent me some good looking properties that were part of their "Sunday Market Scheme". This is where they get lots of viewing on a single Sunday and obviously hope to create an auction type scenario where people start bidding over the price to secure a property as they see how many people they are competing with.

Now I have found thenm out in another underhand manouvre and suddenly a light goes on in ones head. I was negitiating for a property through the sole agent. The property was priced at 586k 4 months ago then reduced to 569k I offered 549k which would have been accepted but the estate agent then said that Foxtons had appeared on the scene and told the owner it was worth 650k so being greedy as we alkl are she declined my offer.

Later that afternoon Foxtons contacted me with a "development opportunity" (its not its 4 studios than need a lot of work to convert and no developer wants to pay more than 500k). It was the same property. I told them to remove me from their books as they couldnt be trusted and that they were underhand. How can I trust any of their valuations now?. However since they have so many offices in London and have all the best properties on their books they virtually control the prices.

I will never deal with them at any price now. Spread the word

Mind the Gap !!

2007-03-01T08:41:00.000Z

I find that I need a correspondent to report the performance of the Wimbledon spur of the district line as I never have reason to travel on it anymore. So anyone out there that can keep me informed I will post your comments here.

MY latest gripe is mainly the passengers. I change from the picadilly to the Central line at Holborn in order to get into the city. When the train doors open one could be forgiven for thinking the train was packed... but no. A quick peek past the selfish bastards crowding the doors shows there is oceans of room beyond. I now just hunker down and shove in and when they look in dismay I point out the amount of room. The is that taken up by rucksacks, broadshhet newspaper readers and........ the english gap. When they say mind the gap I think they mean the 1 inch or more that each person feels they must have around them in order not to make any physical contact with their fellow passengers. Anal in the extreme and prevents more people getting into a carriage. Not me though I dont mind standing next to fat, ugly or lumpen miseries when I am in a hurry. Of course its a bonus when one is next to a fragrant beauty but there arent many of those at 7:30 in the morning.

MIND THE GAP!!!!

Dont touch !!

2007-02-23T09:51:00.000Z

Isnt it strange that in a city of 10 million people and overcrowded trains people in this country are so anally retentive that they hate any physical contact. Have you noticed that even a millimetre of space is protected vociferously. You get dirty looks or the hip shove if you actually make bodily contact. The blokes think you are gay and women seem to think you are drying to dry hump them. Then you get those that use their newspaper as a force field even on the most crowded train.

Actually its suprising really that we havent had a commuter rage killing. But then how would you be able to use any weapon

Goodbye and Good Riddance to the District Line - Wimbledon branch

2007-02-15T10:16:00.000Z

Oh Joy

I have moved out of Southfields and left behind the nightmare that is that poxy branch of the district line. I am now in the West Ken, Barons Court Area and I must say the improvement in my daily trip is unimaginable. Hardly ever have to wait more than a few mins for a train and can get to the station later and still get a seat. Obviously usual rules apply in terms of the drivers social club at Earls court holding proceedings up while they chat (in monosyllables of course)

A comment that cam in from Fellatio oops I mena Felicity.

"If we got the Tube Thumper to work for one night during the engineering hours, he'd probably cop out after 5 minutes. Trying to maintain as well as improve a railway that has been part of London for well over 100 years is no walk in the park, so quit whinging like a spoilt brat and ride a bloody bicycle round London if you're that concerned about your own backside."

We ll thanks for the offer Felicity but I think I will keep my highly paid job in the city rather than venture into your tunnel. As a customer its my perogative to whinge and remember baby the customer is ALWAYS right.

Comment Corner

2007-01-15T14:11:00.000Z

Thanks for the recent comments to this blog published here for your delectation

Anonymous said...
You know that come 2011 they'll be telling us that they won't be installed until 2020 for some stupid reason.

Anonymous said...
The new trains planned for that line have to be delivered first and they will run on the old present day signalling. When all the new trains are running and the old ones scrapped the new signalling will be installed area by area. The new trains will have to be able to use both old and new signalling ( interunning ) until the whole line is resignalled. Converting pre war train stop/trip cock signalling to the latest moving block technology and on a line as large as the district will take some time. 2011 could been seen as optimistic. The complexity of what is planned is not to underestimated as the District also shares tracks with the Circle/Piccadilly/H&C

Thanks for that technical input. I just want to get on a train (on time) get to my destination (quickly) and for a reasonable price (£2). Is that too much to ask?

Kleenex said...
Get a fukcing life!
All I see here is whingeing about the tube. You need to get out more and stop being obsessed and wound up with such things.

Well Kleenex thats what this blog is about. I have a superb life apart form the tube and obviously am idiscerning enough to demand a better service than I get now for the exhobitant fares I pay. Nice nickname you have. Obviously a regular wanker.

The Dreaded District Line to Wimbledon

2007-01-12T12:01:00.000Z

As I have mentioned before this line is probably the worst on the whole network. There seem to be less trains going through Earls Court to Wimbledon and when it comes to getting out of the wimbledon area its a joke. This morning there was 1 train in 20 mins between 7.25 and 7:45 and this is the RUSH hour. Signal problems apparently. I dont buy it!!! But geuss what I have to. There is no other choice and thats the point really isnt it? Anyway I am moving beyond that part of the district line close to Earls Court yippeeeeeeee !!!

I see that one of the marvellous operating companies have said there will be no improvement until 2011 as the new signals will not be installed until then. WHY NOT. Anyway the fares will be so high by then that it will only be used by a few people. Its funny isnt it how developing countries like India etc are improving their infrastructure and but are destroying ours. I dont for the life of me know why people want to come here.

I cant be bothered with wit or anger today. I am too demoralised having to travel like that this morning. I was late for a business meeting although I left home in plenty of time. In fact it would have been quicker to fly to spain.

Efficiency at last

2007-01-03T09:02:00.000Z

No not improved services, punctuality or trains. As I predicted the quickest thing LU do in a year is put the prices up and get all those machines changed in a flash.

We have the most when it comes to our tube network.

Most Costly
Most inefficient
Most Slow
Most crap trains (especially the disgusting district line)
Most signal failures

I could go on but its too depressing but I wonder if we have the most jumpers too.

So if the lowest single journey in now £4 thereby removing the freedom to travel on a whim of those that are not regular tube users, by the time of the olympics our guests from around the world should be paying £16 for the lowest cost journey. By then the star trek style beam me up travel option should be available so we wont need the tube which wil be gleamingly new, fast and efficient (yeah right) ....... and empty. The government dont need to worry about an overheated economy LU seem to have the answer to slowing growth.

Still with the thousands of new Europeans that will be flooding in perhaps a rickshaw or people powered stagecoach service will be implemented.

2006 Skool Report for the TUBE

2006-12-22T10:46:00.000Z

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
to all readers and contributors (even the ones that slag me off hahahaha)

I must have been delirious (or pissed) yesterday. There I was on Notting Hill Station Platform with no train on the electronic board and let out my usual theatrical sigh of exasperation when, on hearing me a fellow traveller launched into a tirade about the tube , the service, the staff etc. And he was South African. Now I am a proud Englishman and Londoner so naturally I took the (almost)contrarian view to Johnny foreigner

I said that although I agreed with him it had to be remembered that this was the Oldest tube system in the world (1-0 to England) and the most extensive (2-0) and that that no investment had been made by subsequent governments. I said that no wonder the staff were pissed off when they had to work in the shit thing and take abuse. He sort of agreed but we concluded that something had to be done NOW.

Well the tube year has been mostly a depressing one for me. I live on the District line branch to Wimbledon which in spite of the good work of the local conservative MP in attempting to handbag better service it is still to say the least .... SHIT. So much so that I have sold my house and I am moving into a more cental location (Chelsea/South Ken) to improve my chances of getting around without losing more brain cells to anger and rage.

The summer was a nightmare of sweltering trains, more signal failure than chins in a chinese phone directory and the ever depressing announcements of the old school loose jawed english essex peasant drivers (the others are fine). Just a few announcements to illustrate;

The nex train wiw leev fwom platfowm free.

This train is for to-er ill only. (tower hill ?)

This train is for pa int on. (paddington?)

And the ubiquitous. Sorry ladies and gentlemen but this train will terminate....... at any number of station that is not my destination.

Still there were no disasters (except for the service itself) but I did notice a seeming increase in customer action (a euphemism for someone being pushed or jumping in front of a train (I know how they felt). Perhaps like the Bodies exhibition we could have an exhibition of Jumpers (or one unders as they are known in the trade).

The other thing that adds greatly to the whole frustrating rush hour tube experience (for that is where my main critisisms lie) are the passengers. What a bunch!!!! no guts to complain, too dulled or tired to talk to or acknowledge one another (except if they have just had their legs blown off). Add to that the rucksack wearers who are wankers (and thats the ones without explosives) and the Ipoders who insist on blaring the music out of their gobs as it is so loud in the phones, the chavs with external speakerphones who insist on imposing their shit on the other passengers and the whole thing is a tinderbox ready to explode into the first sub terranean conflagration since bora bora.

Next year things will be better;

Staff will be bright and breezy
Trains will arrive on time
passengers will be friendly to each other
signal failure will be a thing of the past.
I wont push the old and inform out of the way for my seat in the morning.
Metronet will invest heavily in improvements.

And if you believe all that dont forget to put that glass of sherry in the hearth for the fat bloke in red coming down the chimney (no... not bob crowbar).

On a slightly more serious note I would like to thank the long suffering staff that work to help the public and put up with all the shit that wankers like me dole out. I know you understand our frustrations you have to work with it.

The public would totally support (In my not so humble opinion) an all out strike by tube staff to demand improvements in services for the travelling public. It would be a popular strike with fantastic public support.

Once again Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Salam Alikum, all the best me old china, and to all the rest just enjoy the goodwill to all men bit..... it doesnt last.

See you next Year. The Tube Thumper X

I Dont Like Mondays - Part 2

2006-12-11T14:54:00.000Z

As usual on a Monday morning I really got my moneys worth in terms of time spent on the tube. This morning it took me ONE AND AND HALF HOURS yes....... 1.5 hours....... 90 minutes to complete a 40 minute train journey.

Lucky Brenda isn't a customer.

She didnt like Mondays either.

I will donate a free article on the blog to the 1st correct answer. Who is it?

Comment Corner

2006-12-04T11:23:00.000Z

I thought I would re-print a selection of some of the comments I get on this blog. See if you can spot a pattern.

From a tube customer.

Indeed what right has a long suffering customer to complain about a service that is:
1)Overpriced
2)Filthy
3)Overcrowded
4)Manned by rude and unhelpful staff
5)Utterly unreliable

Well said mate this riduculous state of affairs will continue until people rebel and make it clear they're justnot going to pay for this rubbish anymore.

From a member of LU staff

He didnt let you through? Good, you sound like a sad old git! Get a life! Some staff are crap, but most give a stuff, including me. To publish someone's name without their permission is sheer malice. Hope you get caught in the ticket barriers next time.

Read some of your other blogs, you just hate the tube dont you? Well dont use it then. Staff hate having to deal with people like you, our job would be a joy if we didnt have to deal with petty boring people like you.

From a customer

i don't think it's on to take pictures of people's feet on the tube.

nice site btw :-)

From an LU employee

You pay our wages? Well when is my next pay raise? Just read some of your rants.....sorry blogs, if the tube stresses you out, why do you use it?

From a customer

Great blog mate, I almost incandescent with rage every single time I use this hopless service. It's a national disgrace.

So thats a few comments from people that read the site. Interesting how LU staff all spout vitriol in response to my constructive and (hopefully) informative rants as one reader puts its. I have to say I find it incredible that LU staff dont seem to think in terms of CUSTOMERS. We are just a nuisance. One guy wants to know when his next raise is!!!!!!!. If I did my job like that I wouldnt have one. Still good old Bob Crow will make sure they get their raise and our fares will continue to rise. You couldnt make it up could you ?

It was quite funny this morning. The train was pulling into Westminster and this woman started shouting "is there a doctor on board" (i think there may have been a witch doctor or two). The doors open and she rushed out and down the platform to get help. She rushed back and they helped a young lady off the train that looked like she may have a tummy ache, probably period pains or a dodgy cornflake. Still lucky the good samaritan didnt panic then. Most people looked really pissed off with her and the poor girl for holding the train up. I know I was.

Meltdown!!!!!

2006-12-01T09:21:00.000Z

When will the sheep that London Underground charges for not providing a viable transport service start rebelling? This week I have had completely cancelled services on Wednesday, a TWENTY minute wait for a circle line train on thursday in the RUSH hour and a FIFTEEN minute wait in the rain for a district line train today.

Wednesdays meltdown was due to cheating, overpaid signal staff. They were told to stop fiddling their overtime by management so in a fit of pique they decided not to do any and bought the whole network to a standstill. These cheating scum earn 38k a year and when caught fiddling and warned they bring London to its knees. Come on you sheep!!!!! start complaining. Why one asks are there any such thing as signalmen when this should all be computerised anyway as it is on Underground systems around the world that actually work. The answer is UNIONS and protectionism. By the way when trains are delayed due to signal failure you dont see the fuckers out with flags and torches to keep the service running do you?

How can a CIRCLE line train be twenty minutes late? So they go round in a circle (a bit like our 1st toy train set. There must have been only 2 or 3 on the circle line then.

Once again failure to perform, failure to give a fuck. I bet they wont fail to put the prices up though come January.

Its amazing that this must be the only business in the world along with the railways and government to charge exhorbitant prices to their customers and increase prices each year then provide a WORSE service. I must be in the wrong game.

I am going to get some stickers and flyers printed and get them out to try to get the sheep (public) to act on this disgusting situation. Some of the ways we can revolt are.

Refuse to pay en masse and just force our way through the barriers.
Hold trains up and not let them leave when they do finally arrive.
Write letters of complaint everyday to LU and copy the Evening Standard and me. I will coordinate a campaign if I get support.

Lets put pressure on. We deserve more. If you dont act now you deserve what you get. SHIT!!!

The World is my Oyster (NOT)

2006-11-16T08:34:00.000Z

Its typical of this country.

Start charging for roads.... but dont build new ones. I thought we had paid over and over for the ones we have now!!!

Put train fares up year after year ........ but dont deliver and better service!

Force everyone into getting Oyster cards...... but only put a few machines in stations!!!

Come on sharpen up there are hundreds of the old ticket machines unused and usually just one oyster card machine.

why oh why

2006-11-01T11:07:00.000Z

Why is it that on a monday after a weekend of inconvenient maintenance the service is rubbish. This monday we had delays on numerous lines including the district line apparently due to an "incident" at temple. Barristers wig on the line perhaps? The circle line west severely delayed westbound due to someone being taken ill. Need to know more about that. Was someone coughing or did they have leprosy. We should be told!!

Another thing i have noticed is that drivers seem to have loads of time to shoot the breeze with fellow drivers and LU employees. A jolly old time being had by all. Never mind the poor bastards crammed in the train they just pay the wages.

well winter is here now so we can expect all sorts of fun with leaves, ice, rain (have you seen the leaks at notting hill? its like a victorian public baths).

Maybe I should hiberate.

Phew !!!!!

2006-10-10T13:38:00.000Z

Well here we are in the second week in October and the heating is on. Why? Its not cold and not likely to be for a while. I have just got over the worst that cattle conditions of the summer and now I am blighted by the dry overheated carriages. And there is a worry about flu spreading with a particularly virulent strain arpound. Well the tube should certainly contribute to the wholesale slaughter of thousands. Still If I am still alive at least they wont be so overcrowded

Jumpers or One Unders

2006-10-09T15:08:00.000Z

I recieved this very helpful explanation along with some useful jargon from Matt.

Thanks Matt.

Dealing with a person under a train (also known as a 'one under', or for the more delicate tanoy announcers 'passenger action') takes ages. First of all the person jumps/slips/is pushed/is chased/is crowded in front of a train. The train stops sharpish and the driver gets the current turned off, calls the emergency services and then puts bars down on the tracks to stop current being recharged.

Meanwhile the line controller or network operations centre will be calling the police (the Met and the BTP), the ambulance service, the fire brigade, the LU Emergency Response Unit, the Duty Manager Trains and the Duty Manager Stations. All of these people are required to attend.

Lots of resources start arriving at the nearest station and then have to get to the casualty. This is easy if the person jumped off the platform but can take a while if they jumped off a bridge two miles from a station and a mile from the nearest road access (in these cases there may also be a delay determining the exact location of the patient if the train has hit them and they have been thrown clear). None of the emergency services will go onto the track until it is confirmed that the current is off and that all train movements have been stopped (just because there's no juice doesn't mean that trains can't move -- some are battery operated and others can coast along for quite a distance after the current is turned off underneath them).

Once everyone's on scene the paramedics (of which there will be several, usually accompanied by HEMS) will assess the patient. If they are still alive (and on the Tube a lot of them are) then the paramedics will start working to keep them that way while the fire brigade and Emergency Response Unit try to cut them free. This can take a long time -- sometimes over an hour -- because trains weigh several hundred tonnes and have lots of sharp things underneath them that the patient could be trapped under/in/around.

Meanwhile, BTP officers will have arrived and will be trying to establish exactly what happened and why. 'He jumped under the train' won't do. They will want statements from the driver of the train involved, any other staff who saw the incident and any members of the public on the platforms. They will also view the CCTV if possible. Again this takes time and until the police are satisfied that there is nothing suspicious about the incident then the station will stay closed as a crime scene.

At some point the fire brigade will succeed in freeing the patient or, sadly, the patient will die. Either way they have to be removed from the train and this takes time. Once this has happened, if the person is still alive the doctors will work on them on the platform until they are satisfied that the patient is stable enough to be taken to hospital (either by ambulance or helicopter). Obviously there can be no question of re-opening the station while this work is going on.

Once the patient has been taken away it's down to the police to say if the station needs to be preserved as a crime scene. Although the majority of these incidents are suicides or attempted suicides, a few are accidents and a very small number are deliberate. You would not be happy if a member of your family was pushed under a train and the police didn't bother to investigate it but rather assumed that it was suicide so they could get the station open quicker. So until the incident is declared non-suspicious by the senior police officer on scene the station will stay closed.

If the patient dies at the station then there is a further delay because the coroner's officer has to be informed before the body can be moved. Some coroner's officers can be difficult to get in touch with (some offices close for lunch) so this may take some time. Once they have given permission then an undertaker has to attend to remove the body to the mortuary. Undertakers are commercial enterprises and so they will come when they can fit it into their rounds.

Once the body has been taken away or the patient removed to hospital, the police have concluded their investigation, all the services have packed up their equipment (which can take some time if they've just jacked up a whole train carriage) and any necessary cleaning has been done, then the station is ready to be re-opened.

In conclusion, everyone involved knows that a lot of passengers are being inconvenienced but they also know that someone is either dead or fighting for their life. If it was someone you knew then you would want it done properly and so we make sure it is done properly every time. If you get delayed or diverted then just think that you will be going home to your family tonight. Somewhere in the city someone's family are either being told by the police that their relative is dead or being rushed to hospital to see them while they're still alive.

Thanks for that Matt. So let that be a lesson to you selfish fuckers that consider jumping. Look at all that trouble you are causing. Take some haleys or shoot yourself for for sake of others. If not then bloody well cheers up and get on with it like the rest of us.

Picadilly Jumper update

2006-09-14T15:14:00.000Z

Thank you to the Station Supervisor who kindly wrote and informed me that the jumper was pulled out alive. So why the 5 hour delay? All the staff no doubt drinking dom perignon with the aforementioned jumper to celebrate his/her good fortune.

The supervisor did explain that lengthy delays are sometimes caused by body parts being caught up in the equipement eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!! Can we have a picture for those of us that have never seen a mangled jumper.

How long does it take to get a body off the tracks ?

2006-09-13T08:45:00.000Z

The Picadilly line was closed for the best part of 5 hours yesterday because some inconsiderate person decided to jump. Whilst I feel deeply sorry that anyone is that unhappy to do such a thing whatever happened to sticking your head in the oven or od'ing on hailey's (hailey mills - pills). Now once they have decided to do that and inconvenience half of London how long does it take to bin em up and get rid? About 1/2 hour I would have thought and another half to get the trains going again.

Note to potential jumpers.

I know the tube is shit but dont top yourself over it. Start a blog !!!!!!!!!!!

The Waterloo and City Line is re-open - ish

2006-09-13T08:08:00.000Z

So the marvellous Waterloo and City Line is re-open. Or is it?

At least 3 suspensions of service yesterday on its 1st day. Who is responsible? Who is accountable? Who gets fired. No one of course. What embarassing crap. Was'nt it tested? Still I suppose it is at least consistent with the appalling standards we have come to expect. If that was Paris the customers would have set fire to the fucking thing, but the sheep here are much to timid for that.

LU ......... You Wankers !!!!!!!!!!!!

Channel 4 Dispatches - says it all (well nearly)

2006-08-22T09:12:00.000Z

Last nights Dispatches programme on channel 4 outlined the problems with the national transport policy or complete lack of it. It also identified Gordon "marxist" Brown as the ultimate Fat Controller. But it really identified the main culprits US, the great british public for putting up with such a parlous state of affairs. Buses, Trains, Roads and the Tube all a complete mess. The message was road pricing (which I disagree with as ROAD TAX should cover the costs of improvement), integrated transport policy and regulation.

Come on wake up and start making a noise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course once all this happens then staff need to be trained to understand customer needs and act accordingly. I am sure this would make the whole experience more pleasant for the public and staff alike.

Circle line - The not very magic roundabout

2006-08-21T12:59:00.000Z

Can someone tell me how a train set that just goes round in circles can be as crap as the circle line. Often when I change from district to circle at monument at 8 am the interval is 5 plus minutes and this morning it was 7. This is not acceptable for the rush hour!. There were plenty of district line trains so I knew the track had'nt disappeared.

The ticket office at the Warwick road end of Earls court station is closed until further notice. Oh thats alright then. Just another example of deterioration of the service (did I say service?)

I suppose I should be thankful that in the light of the current security levels we dont have to travel naked. Not that I am worried for myself but I certainly wouldnt want the lady that was spilling over into my seat and the one on the other side of her this morning to be naked.

Coz i know its only rolling stock but we hate it

Moroccan Public Transport

2006-08-15T08:46:00.000Z

Marrakech - What a mess. But it works!!

I have been in Marrakech fulfilling my responsibilities to you to bring you news of other transport systems. Marrakech has a dizzying array of choice of transport. Horse drawn carriages, donkey carts, motorbike with a sort of skip on the front, buses, local taxi and Grand Taxis (basically a big Merc that can squeeze 7 people in each paying their own fare. They overtake undertake, 3/4 abreast on anyside of the road. In spite of all this its works!!!!. Not too many rules (not observed or enforced anyway), private enterprise, customer service with a smile, airconditioning (open topped or windows down and, cheap. Doesnt sound anything like that bastion of civilisation and home of TFL does it? Thank christ for that!!!

a trouble free week

2006-08-02T11:00:00.000Z

I must give credit where its due. I have had no hassle or delays on the tube now between the city and earls court for over a week!!!

I still find boarding a train and sitting there for over 4 minutes at Earls Court very annoying especially when its stiflingly hot.

I am off on my holiday to Marrakech where they dont have tubes, drive on anyside of the road they want and get up to 6 people squeezed into cabs. Camels and Donkeys are also popular transport. I will post some pics of the transport alternatives when I get back.

Ouch!

2006-07-20T10:19:00.000Z

Here is the latest comment feedback from one of my many fans.

Read these 3 quotes in order. The first is one from your last post (Earl's Court - What a shambles!!!!!!!!!!), the second a comment posted by 'anonymous' and the third from this post that I am now commenting on.

"The price of a tube ride will be so expensive by then that I will be on my bike anyway."

"why don't you just get on your bike then? instead of always threatening to, just do it and stop complaining!"

"I recieved a comment on my last posting to the effect that if I didnt like it then I should cycle. I wonder if all businesses should respond in this way to their CUSTOMERS. It would certainly solve the problem of having any."

From the final quote there we can clearly see that you have a terrible memory, don't think through what you're putting and are probably complaining about nothing. Having read your blog for a while I can see that you clearly know very little about the operational side of any railway. I suspect you take little notice to what is actually going on on the Underground but sit on your billy-no-mates at the end of a carriage away from any form of life creating the latest complaint for your blog -- which is, by the way, a complete farce. I do suggest that you get a life, stop turning minor delays into severe delays and 'making mountains out of molehills', as they say.

Oh, and how on earth you could mistake the 'D' stock refurbs for new trains when you have travelled on the before and after is beyond me.

OK, Thanks for that kicking I suppose I deserve it but.............

I dont need to know anything about operational procedure to know the service is SHIT.

I dont need to know about D stock or otherwiser to know the trains are SHIT.

And I am still A CUSTOMER You just dont get it do you. Let me explain.

I PAY YOUR FUCKING WAGES YOU WANKER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want a better service and I want it NOW.

Shambolic and they dont give a toss!!!!

2006-07-19T08:05:00.000Z

Here we are yet again! Hot weather and ridiculously hot trains.

This is not new and I dont want to labour the point but it is worth noting that the tube has been unacceptably hot in the summer for many years. Now we are told not to worry as there will be air conditioned trains on some lines by 2009. Well thats just great and just in time to ensure we look good for the Olympics. However that wont cover up the fact that the network is badly run and the majority of staff badly trained in communication skills and not motivated to provide a service to the public.

I recieved a comment on my last posting to the effect that if I didnt like it then I should cycle. I wonder if all businesses should respond in this way to their CUSTOMERS. It would certainly solve the problem of having any.

On Monday evening it took me over an hour to get from Liverpool St to Earls court. Most lines had problems (signals, security etc) and the trains were travelling at a snails pace. Also the ones I was on seemed to sit at stations for a long time. Oh well at least the trains were nice and warm!!! Those poor cattle that have to travel in temperatures no higher than 27 c dont know what they are missing.

On another subject.

Child Tickets

These it seems cannot be purchased from machines at most stations now. WHY? I need to get my daughter an oyster card but apparently one can only get them for under 16's at post offices. WHY? I was told for security reasons. What bollocks!!!! How many under 16 yr old terrorists have we had in this country. None would be my guess.

Earls Court - What a shambles!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-06T10:14:00.000Z

I went to the main entrance of Earls Court station on Tuesday. Now EC has to be one of the largest and busiest stations on the network. I wanted to renew my oyster and here is what i found.

1 of the 2 electronic touch screens broken down and 20 people in the queue.
ONE yes ONE!!!! Ticket window open with a queue of over 25 people. I refused to wait so just went through and renewed at the other end. What really puzzles me are the public. They stand around in a boiling hot unairconditioned station with their stupid blank faces in a queue that long without complaining. No wonder LU get away with providing such shit services for such an exhorbitant price. The passengers are bigger wankers than those running it.

Another marvellous statement by LU after red Ken said there could be serious loss of life on the tube because of the heat. We will have air conditioned trains by 2009. WHAT!!! why not next year???? The price of a tube ride will be so expensive by then that I will be on my bike anyway.

7/7

Finally I will like all other commuters be thinking of those that lost their lives last year. My sympathies go out to the victims and their families.

Beach Weddings r US

2006-06-26T08:50:00.000Z

Is that Bob Crow and his beloved in the background?

Response

2006-06-20T08:44:00.000Z

Below is the response to my complaint about the air conditioning.

Thank you for your feedback about the District line trains. I do agree with
you that it would be very short sighted of us to introduce new trains
without installing air conditioning.

However, the trains to which you refer are not actually new, but are simply
the old ones that have been refurbished. Unfortunately, due to the design of
the train, it's not possible for us to fit them with air conditioning
systems.

Fortunately, though, these trains are just a stop gap, and over the next few
years as part of the major upgrade of the entire District line, we will be
introducing brand new trains. These, you will be glad to hear, will be fully
air conditioned.

Please contact me again if you should have any further questions.

Kind regards

Daniel Whitehead
Customer Service Advisor
Customer Service Centre

Thanks for the comment - eloquent innit

2006-06-14T09:30:00.000Z

Those trains arent new.... metromess have just tarted them up to increase their ambience scores... fool

As for signals, quite simply a signal operator OPERATES them (the clues in the name GEDDIT)

You really a complete and utter twat who knows nothing, what makes you think that computer controlled signal will be better. Who will take control when they break, which they do very often, including getting the train numbers mixed up and giving wrong signals.

Most of the modern IT realted equipment used is complete shite, the only reason the other stuff breaks is because they were life expired years ago and the Infracos prefer to use cheap modern replacements.

sent by anonymous. Keep em coming.

Its amazing. Modern IT electronics hardly ever fail and when they do there is a back up. However as I suspected we have a combination of job protection and just plain incompetence and greed ensuring that the London Underground is among the worst in the world for comfort reliability and value for money.

NEW Trains -No Air conditioning - Morons!!!

2006-06-13T08:37:00.000Z

The new trains that we are seeing more of on the district line etc have NO air conditioning. What moron was responsible for ordering those then. We have been suffering in worse than animal transport conditions for years and new trains are ordered and they are hot coffins. Shows a total lack of concern or care for the passengers. I would love to meet the wanker or wankers responsible for that.

Also yesterday the old taiwanese signals broke down again and shut the whole district line Wimbledon branch for nearly 3 hours. Marvellous. Interesting that the strike coming up is signal operators wanting more money. WHAT FOR?????? If we have signal operators (what is that? pulling a lever?) why do they keep breaking down. Now dont tell me in this day and age there are not electronic computer controlled signals. But then would be too easy and efficient and expose a complete lack of requirement for the old union members that supposedly work the signals. MY 4 year old nephew could do a better job.

World cup Strikes

Thanks once again to the RMT and their members for trying to fuck with the public to pursue your greedy claims for more dosh. Why dont you understand the concept of efficiency and delivering good service for better pay instead for crap service and treacherous behaviour.

I hope you rot. The public should let you know what they think.

Pa int on (Paddington?)

2006-06-12T12:10:00.000Z

Its anybodys guess really. If I had been a tourist instead of long suffering commuter I would never have known.

The disgusting lack of panache , style, disction or ability to speak plain English (which most of the overseas employees manage with aplomb)says a lot about some that drive those trains. I thought the idea in life as you grew up was to try to improve ones lot. LU please train those Essex peasants to speak proper like or I want a discount for the mental trauma caused by such painful use of English.

I am trying to get my youngest daughter an Oyster card. You have to get it from the post office . WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mmmmm mmmmmm mmmmm no good reason is there? what bollocks.

World Cup

Not stylish and not great but a win is a win. We are off and running. Joe Cole will score the winning goal in the WC Final. You read it here 1st

Summers Here !!!!

2006-06-09T10:36:00.000Z

So there we were on the tube yesterday around 4 pm. The train stopped at embankment and remained there. The tube was lovely and hot and everyone was sweating (nice). The driver then announced we were being held due to signal problems at Sloane Square (its those taiwanese plastic ones again).

Then the driver announced it was'nt signals it was a passenger taken ill at South Kensington. SO signals are after all a catch all excuse (as if we didnt know). I am all for dragging the ill person off thge train as we are all getting sick by now. He then said that he was advising people to take alternative routes as it was estimated to be sometime. People began getting off so i settled into a vacated seat to wait. Almost immediately the doors closed and we were off leaving those that got off stranded open mouthed. hahahahaha another great practical joke by LU. Lets hope they can get the trains much hotter over the next few months. They could then collect the perspiration, funnel it to Thames Water and hey presto the water shortage is over.

Do LU know the world cup is on ?

World cup update

Well its finally here and the free lines are rolling. I saw a marvellous report that in spite of the urgings of the over politically correct about not singing the dambusters and all that the England fans have so far bought 8000 inflatable spitfires to take. The Dutch have have those german army helmets made in plastic in orange. Still forgive and forget eh? Dont mention the war!!!!!!

3 Lines That Dont Work

2006-06-05T09:10:00.000Z

To be sung to the tune of 3 lions on a shirt.

Very appropriate in the week when the World cup is to begin. Indeed 3 lines were not working yesterday. I realise it was a Sunday but there are still 1000's of people that want to use the tube. Anyway I dont have much to offer this week exept to say that it has finally arrived. The event we have all been looking forward to. Do you think if we win the world cup that the govt should declare a bank holiday. I have already declared it one for me anyway.

Come On England!!!!!!!!

Stuck on the Tube for 3 Hours!!!!!

2006-05-31T11:32:00.000Z

How can a train get stuck underground for 3 Hours!!!!

Ok even in the case of it happening are you telling me another train cant be driven up to it and passengers transferred. I would have been going up the wall. A definite tourettes attack would have ensued (and I dont even have it). I am not litigious either but I would be looking for compensation. Actually, hitting the person responsible might be satisfying enough. What I cant understand is signals breaking down. Are they that old or that shit. What can go wrong? I would have thought that with technology these days the tube could be fully automated without any need for human beings to operate it. Anyway us poor mugs have to take it so there it is.

World Cup

Lets hope England can win the world cup. Cant we have some trains in the Englanbd football team livery. May not be politically correct to celebrate ones own football team in owns own country on the "Iconic" (ironic) tube. On the other hand I bet no one had the imagination to think of it.

2006-05-26T10:41:00.000Z

When Sloane Square tube station was closed the other day they said it was flooding. I naturally assumed that it was one of the those wrong type of leaves sort of thing but no!!!.

Mind you the new district line service above is faster and you get a free ice cream. MInd the GAP (for fuck sake).

Big Brother

I have had to stop watching BB. Apart from my sparkling social life I find the whole thing a complete bore now that there is no one to pick on.. Bonner is looking more bemused so she is probably the next target. Thank god for the World Cup. That should move the morons off the front pages and the whole country can happily forget they exist.

Drivers Drivel

2006-05-23T12:04:00.000Z

I wanted to reprise a previous pet subject of mine. Drivers comments and the quality (qwawi-E) of the English and most importantly the way they actually convey messages.

Now I do understand that driving a tube train must be a very low satisfaction task. I mean there is hardly any light at the end of a tunnel, the signals are shit and the passengers blame them (well I do anyway). However they do seem to get disproportionatly paid for the actual task of pulling a lever back. Lever puller backers (hardly driving is it?)announcements come in many forms. Ranging from the sarcastic (attempted) to the downright depresssing chav common voice to the most common...... nothing, no announcement as to why one is sitting at Earls court for 8 mins while other trains come and go or why one has been sitting in a tunnel for 5 mins. Please management can we get the guidelines as to their behaviour, obligations to announce delays and get them trained to sound human and not as if they about to commit suicide.

BB Update

So all the housemates hate shabhaz ..... not a suprise is it? What a hateful, weak, uninteresting excuse for a human being. He has now announced he is going to commit suicide on tv. Well good. I think they should set up a phoneline so that we can ring in suggestions. The winning entry then should get to join the bb house. At least they would have some imagination. What does Bonner think about? What sort of mirror has Glyn got to believe he has a great body? If he was a girl there would be concerns about anorexia. How long could you last in nickaaays company? I dont think I can watch anymore because its turning me into an aggressive shout at the television sort of guy. This may be all I have to say on the subject but watch this space.

Its interesting that the comments I get that are obviously from LU employees with their unwitty commnets are all anonymous. Just what one would expect. Perhaps they should have an LU BB but then again that would be on late, breakdown and expensive to watch.

I Dont Like Mondays

2006-05-22T07:49:00.000Z

The person that made the phrase I dont like Mondays famous was Brenda Spencer who shot 11 people killing 2 in 1979.

Today I know how Brenda must have felt. I could have shot plenty today, mostly fellow pasengers. We were stuck at St James Park station on the train for 15 mins with one muttered announcement about signals. Why is it that half the tube system is shut on a sunday for maintenance then doesnt work properly on a Monday.

Anyway there we were sitting like stuffed dummies (most of them were) and I voiced my opinion about LU and announcements and the fact that it was an interminable delay. Passengers were looking at me like I was mad!!! The morons justs sat there staring at their hands. Why not rock the train , turn it over, set it alight!!! The alternative is accepting this consistently appaling service and therefore the public will get what they deserve. Fuck all in terms of improvement. Brenda will be due for release soon. Maybe I will offer her a holiday.

Big Brother

What a bunch of morons , miscreants and utter wankers comprise the marvellous big brother this year in fact no change there then. I think I would have slit Shahbaz's throat on the 1st night (or my own). I just hope Brenda buys the kit kat with the winning voucher to enter the big bro house. Then there's Bonner (bonnie) who cant say her own name and whose brain (if she has one) does'nt transmit any expressions to her face. She is like porridge the longer you leave her the thicker she gets. And then there is Thickie... I mean Nikki. "I want to marry and professional footballer and just have a credit card to shop and have lunch" what a stupid little cow. Drown her!!! thats what the pool in the garden is for.t

Poisonous Passengers

2006-05-16T08:26:00.000Z

Lets take a little while to examine the passenger types that annoy and amazes with their ignorance, stupidity and just plain selfishness.

The Rucksackers - insist on keeping their rucksack on and using it as an extension of their body to jostle other passengers. I find an effective remedy just to lean on it or pull down.

The Listeners - People who music is so loud that you can either hear a tinny jangle or an equally annoying base thud. I swear there was a girl the other day and the sound was so loud it was coming out of her gob.

Arm Rest Wrestlers - You know you only want a little bit of the armrest for your elbow so that you can read your paper in comfort. But the arm rest wrestlers want you to know that they have access to it so they spread their fat arm across the whole thing and nudge aside any attempt to share. I have put my arm on top of theirs before now and they dont half move quickly. Its the same with the Leg Spreaders who are usually guys that sit with their legs wide apart invading your space. I find touching legs with them get them to move quickly hahaha.

Door Blockers - This lot must have a morbid fear of missing their stop. They get on and stand just inside the doors refusing to cede. Usually fat.

There are manyh differnt types of tube traveller please feel free to send me your favourites. I am one of those annoying people that stand where the doors open and move quickly in order to get a seat whilst trampling on anyone in my way except old ladies who we all know are well hard when it comes to fighting for a seat.

Helpful Hints??

2006-05-15T12:32:00.000Z

Isnt it interesting that Iget commnets in repsonse to my posting like the last 2 on the article I posted. If I wanted to renew online I would but I DONT. I want choice and I want it now and I am a customer so I am always right, right?. wrong! in the about face reverse engineered business of transporting Londons masses that is LU the customer is always wrong. More to the point who cares? It seems that with a strong grip that bob crow and his crownies (geddit) have on the staff there is no need for customer facing training, consideration, or indeed providing a pleasant user experience.

I think every underground station should have a punchbag hanging up in the shape and size of Bob Crow or Bobby Laws. We could then all give it a good kicking. Better still the Bobbies could do a tour of underground stations during the rush hour and get some feedback from CUSTOMERS. hahahaha can you imagine that?

Any you LU employees keep your comments coming. And the rest of you please feel free to join the fun.,

The Longest 4 miles ever ????

2006-05-02T08:03:00.000Z

I went to southfield on Saturday for an hour. When I went to the station later to get the tube to west brompton the station was closed due to the inevitable signal failure. The whole line was closed between Wimbledon and Parsons Green because 1 signal had failed at Putney Bridge. Now correct me if I am wrong but in the old days a bloke with a flag and whistle could have replaced the signal for a while. So why not today?

Anyway I got the bus to Putney then overland to Clapham Junction. I waited 10 mins for the train but it was already delayed by FORTY MINUTES!!!!!. On arrival at Clapham Junction I went to enquire where and when the next train for the 1 stop to west brompton would be. I was told 40 minutes.... FORTY MINUTES!!!!!. The journey from southfields to west brompton (5 stops) took over 1 1/2 hours. Unbelievable, I could have flown to Paris.

I had a tourettes syndrome attack at clapham and did complain vociferously. However my complaints were met with total indifference. In fact I think I may have been invisible.

Keystone Cops running a big boys train set

2006-05-02T07:58:00.000Z

Predictably this morning bought the usual frustrations at Earls Court. The Warwick road entrance had no ticket windows open and one machine (for the purposes of oyster renewal) working. There was a queue and a tourist was having trouble with the marvellously non intuitive machines. The 2 staff on duty were sort of help hindering. I called them keystone cops and asked why once again the machines were not working and no ticket windows were open. They aggresively told me that the machine that said closed was working and that I was complaing to the wrong people. I asked them to go and get the right person and I would repeat my complaint. Of course no such person exists.

COME ON EARLS COURT GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER

Come on!!!!!

2006-04-24T09:37:00.000Z

For the 2nd monday running the marvellously reverse engineered touch screen tickets dispensers were not working at the warwick road end of earls court station. Its like a fawltey towers sketch. "Lets get all the punters on oyster cards then not maintain the machines - ha ha. That must have been the brainchild of the Tube Integrated Team Spirit (Tits) or Society for the Prevention of Electronic Retail Machines (SPERM) but more likely it was the shady group Workers Against New Knowingly Efficient Retails Space (WANKERS). Anyway get the fucking things working on a MONDAY for us poor bastards.

We had one of those clever dick drivers today. Sort of "I will take the piss and you might make the mistake of thinking I am trying to cheer you up" types. He announced the train departure and destination in the voice of a serial killer. Rather disturbing at 7:30 am from Earls Court (which has enough nutters of its own). The looks from my fellow passengers was one of "what a wanker" and off we went.

On the positive side!!!! The new trains are nice (ish)

Just one cornetto

2006-03-27T10:06:00.000Z

Now wouldnt this be a wondefrul way to get to work (supposed to be a pic here of a gondola in a canl in an underground station but it wouldnt upload) and utilises the tube tunnel network superbly. Slower I hear you say. Well even I have to concede that but I swear most days I could run faster than the district line from the wimbledon branch. (I expect to get mail telling me to run).

I must say that of late I have been very impressed with trouble free journeys and even working ticket machines on a monday morning. Havre you noticed though that its becoming increasingly difficult to buy a child ticket. So what happens as happened to me Friday evening I couldnt get a child ticket, no windows were open? Oh thats handy the chidren are small enough to fit through the barrier with me. Sorry but had to get where I was going.

I have noticed an increasing trend towards drivers from overseas (judging by the accents). I welcome this as they seem polite and geuss what? They speak good English, unlike many of the uncouth disinterested loutish sounding union men that underperform secure in the fact that you can drink, smoke dope and fall aslepp at the wheel of a train and instead of getting fired you get all your mates a day or 2 off through striking.

Thank god the warmer weather is coming but now we have the usual expensive mobile sauna to look forward to. Why cant they cut some vents in the trains, put some fans in carriages or get some punkawallahs. Oh well maybe sweating your bollocks off in a tube carriage will be an olympic sport by 2012. Lets hope so because I am a shoo in for the gold.

Monday Letdown (yet again)

2006-02-20T15:02:00.000Z

Well once again the main electronic ticket machines at Southfields was closed this morning. Apparently it was closed yesterday too so not a new problem. I think probably more commuters renew their cards on a Monday than any other day as seems logical so its a very annoying start to the week when this happens. The question is why? I would have thought that a quick check on a Sunday would have been adequate. Too simple? probably.

I did as ususal have the temerity to complain. Not too vociferously as its wearing me down and I need to conserve brain cells. My plea was greeted with the look that says........... well...... nothing really. Is it worth going on. I think so.

But not today as I am too busy and too knackered. I think this is my most tedious entry so far so apologies but guess what. I cant be bothered today. Just like London Underground everyday.

Thanks for the Feedback

2006-02-09T09:49:00.000Z

Things are hotting up on this blog. Word seems to be spreading and I see I have number of visitors from LU staff ranks. Strange that many fundamentally do not seem to understand that they are in a commercial business. Remarks like "if you dont like it dont use it" would soon send my company bankrupt. I would prefer to see "If you arent good enough get another job" (or get fired preferably). We have drivers falling alseep, running red signals and generally behaving like they dont give a monkey's about the passengers but nothing can be done because of the union. It will be interesting to see if the staff vote to strike now over yet another percieved slight to the unions.

Responses to this Blog

2006-02-03T16:01:00.000Z

I thought I would give you a flavour of some of the responses I am getting to this Blog.

I have had some kindred spirits complementing this initiative and some agreeing with entires from those that have similar experiences.

However the most interesting, and agrressive come from what seem to be LU employees calling me a serial moaner and saying things like "trying doing our job". Well I am here to tell you that those resposes highlight a large part of the problem. Uncaring, badly trained arrogant and ignorant staff (not all I might add) are one of the single biggest reasons for such a dreadful CUSTOMER experience (for thats what we are, paying customers).

Keep the comments coming in please. I am to try to highlight the good (not much) and bad so that we can all enjoy improved services and the staff can enjoy providing them.

Geat Start to the Week - NOT

2006-01-30T13:48:00.000Z

Another great event in LU "service". I got to my tube station at Southfields this morning at 7:03 in time to re-new my Oyster card. The macine was broken and a queue at the 1 ticket both open. I asked the guard if I could re-new at the other end and he refused. I said if I queued I would miss my train. He didnt care and thats what happened. I took his name and I will be taking it up with LU.

Thanks very much Mr. Yomi Adejedi - Good luck in your career and dont forget to vote for strike action for more money as your marvellous service obviously demands that you should be paid more.

Driving us Mad!!

2006-01-23T09:59:00.000Z

So drivers are going to vote on strike action again. They would do well to start trying to win over some support from the passengers instead. They seem to be the elite among LU staff. I suppose its because they earn 35k plus for pulling a lever back. Cerebral that isn't it? Many are rude , slack jawed and arrogant. Many of them sound so fed up that they need some serious customer facing training. The ones that really get on my wick are those that think they can take the piss out of passengers with their supposed sarcastic wit. The best ones I find are women and those with foreign accents. They seem politer and more concientious.

Take note drivers londoners are becoming rather more militant in their opinions of you than you think. I hear a leaflet campaign against your attitudes and willingness to strike because the 2 Bobs say so, is about to hit the carriages. I just say lets get some better value , politer and more professional lever puller backers.

I Stand Corrected

2006-01-06T08:38:00.000Z

Thanks to Annie for pointing out the errors in my post of 3 Jan

Well the strike wasn't anything to do with the drivers so no wonder they looked perplexed with your signs.Also I know Bob Crow is overpaid for what he does (stir up trouble and go on holiday in the middle of strike negotiations) but he actually earns about £63,000!!

Annie Mole

Personal notification from LU - My Word!!!!

2006-01-06T08:30:00.000Z

Dear Mr Thacker,

Because of strike action by some RMT members there may be disruption to Tube services from around 18.30 this Sunday evening, 8 January, and throughout all of Monday, 9 January.
If the strike goes ahead we will try to keep as many stations open and as much of the service running as possible. Please check before you travel, using the contacts below, and listen out for information on radio and TV broadcasts.
I'm sorry that once again your journey may be disrupted because of needless strike action by the RMT.

Yours sincerely

Mike Brown
Chief Operating Officer

Happy New Year

2006-01-03T15:11:00.000Z

Happy New Year

Well this certainly illustrates a bygone age of tube travel. Now its SHIT!!!

The only thing on time today were the fare increases. In addition the bastards ruined many peoples New Years Eve by jerking everyone about with the maybe maybe not strike. When I gave some drivers a wankers sign through the cab window they looked perplexed as though they were surprised to be so hated.

LU seem to have given up replying to my complaint letters but I havent given up complaining. Also the RMT did'nt have the courtesy to respond to my missive imploring them not to strike. Mind you I am not sure Bob Crow can write as he can hardly speak proper like. Still he was in Egypt over the new year spending some of his hard earned 150k plus he gets for fucking us "CUSTOMERS" over.

Come on people let's complain loudly and often. If you dont you will get the Tube service you deserve for putting up with it.

Another Complaint Letter

2005-12-19T09:03:00.000Z

Here is my latest complaint to LU. I had no reply to last weeks letter which is unusual but may be because I pointed out this site and said I would be posting their reponse. I will post your complaint letters anbd responses here if you let me have them.

Here we go again. Absolutely useless. At southfields station this morning neither of the ticket machines were working for those wanting to renew oyster cards. None of the ticket windows were open. This is totally unacceptable level of service. When I commented to the woman manning the station (the only person there) she said "dont blame me" whilst I understand her comment she was the only LU employee.
I want compensation for all the inconvenience I have been caused this year and the time I have had to take to write letters.
By the way I recieved no reply to my letter last week.

quicker by magic carpet? Almost certainly and more of them.

2005-12-19T08:17:00.000Z

Complaint letter to LU

2005-12-14T09:38:00.000Z

This is my latest complaint letter to London Underground. I will post their reply.

I have a few questions about regular occurences that I find increasingly annoying. You see although I regularly write to let you know of areas of service that are poor I have aggregated several concerns into one letter as these are now happening everyday on the same journey.

1. At Earls court the train waits on platform 2 for over 3 minutes and quite often 2 city trains enter and leave platform 1. Why is this? its only been a few stops since wimbeldon where the drivers can pass the time of day with their colleagues whilst the long suffering commuter sits and waits like a dummy.

2. The same as above happens at Aldgate (why are we waiting).

3. When I change from the district to circle line at cannon street or monument I am having to wait TEN minutes for a circle line train. And this during the RUSH hour. (not much rushing there then). Its a CIRCLE line for gods sake the trains go round in a circle how difficult can it be? Cant you get someone intertested in running a train set.

so with the 2 rest stops at earls court and the 8-10 minute wait at monument my journey is taking between 14-20 mins longer than it should.

Finally do the vast majority of drivers have to sound like disinterested charmless drones with fick (thick) accents. How difficult can it be to say Platform 3 instead of platfowm free.

I will continue to complain for my own satisfaction of fulfilling my duty to myself as a CUSTOMER and of course help in identifying areas of improvement.

I will from now on be reproducing my letters to you on my weblog at http://tubeactiongroup.blogspot.com/

Its Time for Action

2005-12-06T08:49:00.000Z

Enough is Enough !!!!!!

"Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to." - Harriet Lerner 1985

The Tube is London's main transport system. It is the central nervous system of the the living being that is the world's greatest capital city. However if a human body had to rely on a central nervous system that operates like this it would probably be very ill at the very least or dead.

This weblog will set out to be as fair as possible in its assessment of the overall service but will concentrate on the service recieved by the most important group of "customers" , the commuters. We pay more, get treated the worst and seemingly complain less. Dont YOU realise that if you dont act you get the service you deserve. In France they would have filled the trains with rotten eggs, sheep or some other agricultural product in protest. But then again filling them with French people is, I suppose, enough for anyone (en plaisantant)

I would encourage comments on the subjects below and will publish the best. I encourage genuine anger, sacarsm, wit and anecdotes. I seek volunteers to establish localised commuter panels at each station so that we can act in harmony to effect change or at the very least register our displeasure. Who know's we may even be able to harmonise on positive comments if we succeed.

Its time to be heard.

The Service - Strike action at Christmas!!! - Let em have it
The Cost - Well let's face it, it's a piss take
The Passengers - What and who do you find annoying.
The Staff - Comments invited.
The Trains - How do normal people fit in those circle line seats.Lucky we're not Americans.

I will be publishing a post on these subjects over the next few days and will incorporate comments (see bottom of page to post comments).

The next post will set the scene for opinion polls on various subjects. Please send in your ideas on posting subjects and polls. I will publish guest articles so please inidicate your willingness to write them and have them published.

This weblog is not just for my edification, entertainment or venting of frustrations. Its a London thing where ever you are from.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

Margaret Mead - US Anthropologist (1901 - 1978)